Yesterday, I had some turkey noodle soup that definitely had chicken in it instead of turkey. Which begs the question: why would they change the name of a commonly accepted food to something else, but then not change the food. I have concluded that the lunch ladies must not be able to spell "chicken".
Ponder that.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Swag
There are three ways to obtain college swag:
1) Free handouts at sports games or school events
2) Prizes from drawings or volunteering
3) Buying it in the bookstore
The goal in college is to obtain as much swag as possible (and yes, that is indeed the ONLY reason to go to college). So obviously you will attend lots of sports games, school events, drawings, and volunteering escapades. The thing is that the really good swag is usually only available through the bookstore and it is really expensive - try $60 for a sweatshirt.
The trick to getting swag from the bookstore is to buy at opportune times. Don't buy anything during big event weekends where parents might come to visit because they jack the prices up (if your parents buy stuff for you though, feel free). Don't buy things right when a new design comes in. Wait for things to be on clearance or in an off-season (buy shorts in the winter and sweatpants in the summer). If you get along with your roommate, each buy different swag and then share them so that you have twice as much. Don't buy school supplies or art supplies in the bookstore if you can help it - it is simply unethical to charge someone $7 for a pack of notecards just because they are convenient. Come on, people.
Anyway, to review: stock up on free swag, buy your swag cheap, know that you are loved :)
1) Free handouts at sports games or school events
2) Prizes from drawings or volunteering
3) Buying it in the bookstore
The goal in college is to obtain as much swag as possible (and yes, that is indeed the ONLY reason to go to college). So obviously you will attend lots of sports games, school events, drawings, and volunteering escapades. The thing is that the really good swag is usually only available through the bookstore and it is really expensive - try $60 for a sweatshirt.
The trick to getting swag from the bookstore is to buy at opportune times. Don't buy anything during big event weekends where parents might come to visit because they jack the prices up (if your parents buy stuff for you though, feel free). Don't buy things right when a new design comes in. Wait for things to be on clearance or in an off-season (buy shorts in the winter and sweatpants in the summer). If you get along with your roommate, each buy different swag and then share them so that you have twice as much. Don't buy school supplies or art supplies in the bookstore if you can help it - it is simply unethical to charge someone $7 for a pack of notecards just because they are convenient. Come on, people.
Anyway, to review: stock up on free swag, buy your swag cheap, know that you are loved :)
Monday, November 5, 2012
C is for Coffee
We have already established that coffee is the lifeblood of the college student. Something that I hadn't realized was that some people don't know how to make coffee - how you could get through 18 years of life without ever making a pot of coffee, but whatever.
To make a pot of coffee:
1) Put a filter in the basket under the lid
2) Pour coffee grounds into the filter - the amount of coffee is super subjective so play around with it a bit until you figure out how strong you like it
3) Fill the pot with the same amount of water as you want coffee
4) Pour the water into the reservoir behind the basket - there will be a little vertical window that will tell you the water level
5) Close the lid and turn the machine on
6) Wait for the machine to stop making noises like a constipated elephant
7) Drink your coffee
8) Leave the machine on until the pot is empty so that it will keep the coffee hot
9) Turn the machine off, rinse out the pot, and feed the grounds to your little brother
Once you reach this point, you may as well start making a new pot because you will need a constant supply of fresh coffee. Good luck!
To make a pot of coffee:
1) Put a filter in the basket under the lid
2) Pour coffee grounds into the filter - the amount of coffee is super subjective so play around with it a bit until you figure out how strong you like it
3) Fill the pot with the same amount of water as you want coffee
4) Pour the water into the reservoir behind the basket - there will be a little vertical window that will tell you the water level
5) Close the lid and turn the machine on
6) Wait for the machine to stop making noises like a constipated elephant
7) Drink your coffee
8) Leave the machine on until the pot is empty so that it will keep the coffee hot
9) Turn the machine off, rinse out the pot, and feed the grounds to your little brother
Once you reach this point, you may as well start making a new pot because you will need a constant supply of fresh coffee. Good luck!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Annoying Habits
There are so many things that have the potential to annoy your roommate/dormmates. I would be annoyed how much of an imposition it is to live in a dorm, but that would be an annoying habit. Annoying things include: anything that makes noise, anything that causes you to only be partially dressed, anything that makes a mess, anything that prevents your roommate from sleeping or studying.
Some examples are:
- Playing an instrument
- Turning the light on early in the morning or late at night
- Leaving clothes on the floor
- Exercising in the room
- Leaving your door open when playing music
- Letting your ostriches poop on your roommate's bed
The thing is that being annoyed by your roommate doing any of these things would also be considered an annoying habit. It's like a viscous time-space continuum circle of annoyance. The key is to take turns. If your roommate tells you that something bothers him/her, fix it and then you can tell him/her about something that bugs you a few days later.
It goes like this:
Person 1: It bugs me when you play that screamo music
Person 2: Ok, I will fix that
two days pass
Person 2: Would you mind not leaving dirty dishes on the counter for days at a time?
Person 1: Oh I'm sorry! I'll wash them
a week passes
Person 1: When you get up before me, could you not play with your maracas?
Person 2: Shoot, I'm such a spaz. I'll make sure I stop that
etc
If there is something that you do that annoys your roommate that can't not do (like drying your hair or practicing an instrument), try going somewhere else to do it, or choosing a time to do it when your roommate is in a class. You could also compromise by suggesting that she can obsessively clean whilst you play your instrument. Or you could just murder her in the night and then pretend you didn't. That always works too.
Some examples are:
- Playing an instrument
- Turning the light on early in the morning or late at night
- Leaving clothes on the floor
- Exercising in the room
- Leaving your door open when playing music
- Letting your ostriches poop on your roommate's bed
The thing is that being annoyed by your roommate doing any of these things would also be considered an annoying habit. It's like a viscous time-space continuum circle of annoyance. The key is to take turns. If your roommate tells you that something bothers him/her, fix it and then you can tell him/her about something that bugs you a few days later.
It goes like this:
Person 1: It bugs me when you play that screamo music
Person 2: Ok, I will fix that
two days pass
Person 2: Would you mind not leaving dirty dishes on the counter for days at a time?
Person 1: Oh I'm sorry! I'll wash them
a week passes
Person 1: When you get up before me, could you not play with your maracas?
Person 2: Shoot, I'm such a spaz. I'll make sure I stop that
etc
If there is something that you do that annoys your roommate that can't not do (like drying your hair or practicing an instrument), try going somewhere else to do it, or choosing a time to do it when your roommate is in a class. You could also compromise by suggesting that she can obsessively clean whilst you play your instrument. Or you could just murder her in the night and then pretend you didn't. That always works too.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Anatomy of a College Pillow Fort
Pillow forts are like crack. You will continue to build them in college. I present to you: The Ideal Pillow Fort (holla)
The elements of this fort are the following:
1) A blanket attached to the top bunk and enclosing the bottom bunk
2) Two chairs and/or other supports for the other end of the blanket (we used a desk chair and a music stand)
3) Blankets draped around the sides to cover all of the holes
And inside the fort:
Inside the fort you can see:
1) Pillows lining the sides for maximum comfort
2) The air mattress that you sketchily stole from your neighbor without her knowledge and are now using as a foundation
3) Food and/or movies and/or loot of some kind to hoard inside of the fort
4) The bed itself which was included in the fort and is now a couch and/or a shelf for all of your loot
Tips for the ideal pillow fort:
- Use afghans in places where you want light to come in
- Run a cord through one wall so that you can plug in your tv and have a light
- Spear a ball of yarn on top of the music stand that you used as a support so that it won't poke holes in the blankets. Then, attach the blankets by wrapping a stretchy headband around them once they are over the ball of yarn.
- Take note of which walls/surfaces you can lean against and which to avoid
- Put any beverages inside of thermoses so as to avoid having to do laundry at midnight because you spilled hot chocolate on your roommate's pillow
Friday, November 2, 2012
College Books
You will be handed about 37.96 books that will tell you how to go to college. You can get something out of them if you really try, but most of them are full of things that are 100% intuitive. These books will tell you things like "make sure you sleep in college just as much as you do now", or "make sure you don't get caught with illegal substances". So innovative, college book, thanks.
Anyway, feel free to read college books in your "spare time". Go for it.
Just in case you don't have any spare time on top of school, homework, a job, extracurriculars, college apps, scholarship apps, family, friends, and sleeping, I will now sum up every college book ever for you. Here goes: College Is Different From High School, But Don't Worry, It's Not That Different.
So there you go, that sentence is just as useful as any college book.
Cheers!
Anyway, feel free to read college books in your "spare time". Go for it.
Just in case you don't have any spare time on top of school, homework, a job, extracurriculars, college apps, scholarship apps, family, friends, and sleeping, I will now sum up every college book ever for you. Here goes: College Is Different From High School, But Don't Worry, It's Not That Different.
So there you go, that sentence is just as useful as any college book.
Cheers!
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Hoarding Supplies
Start saving up the things your parents get for you. That sounds really weird but if you like an expensive shampoo or a certain brand of toothpaste, start hoarding it so that you won't have to buy if for yourself in college (or at least start testing out the cheap stuff because you won't pay more than $5 for anything in college ever). Just ask your mom to buy more for you before you've used the one you have so that you slowly accumulate things. Don't worry, it is really neurotic.
The last thing that I want to spend my money on right now is hairspray and lotion. I know that if I had started hoarding things before last summer, I wouldn't have run out of everything before the end of the first semester. Apparently, roommates don't really appreciate it when you mooch off of their stuff everyday. Shocking.
Really, you should just get used to being neurotic because that's how you will have to be to survive for the next five years. Hint hint, you can also hoard school supplies and guitar strings. Just don't stock up on food before you get there because apples do not stay fresh for months. Also shocking.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)