Picture to yourself the difference between pre-Fontanna PE and post-Fontanna PE. PE used to be easy and there was no homework involved, much less writing. Now, PE actually involves work. This bizarre change that is completely unrelated to suckish administration is comparable to the difference between high school electives and college electives. College electives aren't easy A's.
Classes like art, theatre, physed, dance, sports, etc have just as much homework and reading as regular classes. Don't sign up for things like that and expect to do no work and just get easy credit. You WILL be disappointed. These AREN'T the droids you're looking for.
The only difference as far as I can see is that electives have fewer tests. Really though, that's just because it is a lot harder to find a way to conjure up an essay question about brush-strokes than it is to just ask for a painting. You will still be assessed, it's just more practical assessments than written ones. This all just means that you have to make friends with your elective professors because they will be grading you subjectively and you don't want them bashing you like an art program at an un-named charter school. Just go to some of the extra little events that the creative and sports departments hold and make sure that your professor sees you there.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Things Your Mom Should've Told You
Before you leave for college, you should know these things (especially if you are a girl but if you are a guy they still might be interesting):
1) Wearing foundation is fine but if your face looks like it has been powdered, you are using the wrong kind/too much. Similarly, if your face is a different color than your neck, you are still using the wrong kind/too much.
2) You don't have to have something to say about everything, you don't have to be involved in every joke, and you don't have to comment on things you weren't involved in.
3) If you don't know how to walk in heels, don't wear heels.
4) You should know who the following people are: Alfred Hitchcock, Hayley Mills, Matthew Perry, Tennessee Williams, CS Lewis, Mary Chase, Herman Melville, Gregory Maguire, James Taylor, George Harrison, and Richard Zanuck
5) Pot smoke smells like a skunk. It does not smell good.
6) If you want him to like you back, talk to him about sports. Guys: if you want her to like you back, talk to her about her jewelry.
7) If you wouldn't wear that skirt around your dad, don't wear it around other people.
8) If people don't want to stand directly in front of you when you talk to them, it means you have bad breath, are wearing too much perfume, and/or have BO.
9) It is not always necessary to have 10 things in a list.
1) Wearing foundation is fine but if your face looks like it has been powdered, you are using the wrong kind/too much. Similarly, if your face is a different color than your neck, you are still using the wrong kind/too much.
2) You don't have to have something to say about everything, you don't have to be involved in every joke, and you don't have to comment on things you weren't involved in.
3) If you don't know how to walk in heels, don't wear heels.
4) You should know who the following people are: Alfred Hitchcock, Hayley Mills, Matthew Perry, Tennessee Williams, CS Lewis, Mary Chase, Herman Melville, Gregory Maguire, James Taylor, George Harrison, and Richard Zanuck
5) Pot smoke smells like a skunk. It does not smell good.
6) If you want him to like you back, talk to him about sports. Guys: if you want her to like you back, talk to her about her jewelry.
7) If you wouldn't wear that skirt around your dad, don't wear it around other people.
8) If people don't want to stand directly in front of you when you talk to them, it means you have bad breath, are wearing too much perfume, and/or have BO.
9) It is not always necessary to have 10 things in a list.
Monday, October 29, 2012
The Ultimate Showdown: Peak verses College Profs
GOOD NEWS! You do not have to be intimidated by college profs. The professors can choose what levels they teach so the ones that teach the intro classes you will take your freshman year are the ones that want to deal with your confusion. CERTAINLY these teachers expect you to be serious about class and show up on time, HOWEVER they are still humans and do not actually eat children. ALTHOUGH college professors are traditionally portrayed as mean and vindictive, Thespians are generally portrayed as geeky losers and we all know how true that is. THUS don't even bother being intimidated by your profs because they will just think it is mildly amusing and then tell you to get a grip.
Also, just so you know, Peak teachers are more similar to college profs than you may think. Case in point, the stereotypical prof would be:
- Strict: Flanhofer
- Hard: Flanhofer
- Challenging: Flanhofer
- SUPER knowledgeable about their subject: Flanhofer
- A über grader: Flanhofer
Luckily, actual college profs are all of those things but are also:
- Hilarious: Flanhofer
- Approachable: Flanhofer
- Innovative: Flanhofer
- Entertaining when they lecture: Flanhofer
- Very willing to be nicknamed: Flanny Pants
Oh would you look at that! It looks like you already have experience with a college professor! Shocking! Just spend some time around Flanhofer and you'll be ready to deal with your profs, no problem.
Also, just so you know, Peak teachers are more similar to college profs than you may think. Case in point, the stereotypical prof would be:
- Strict: Flanhofer
- Hard: Flanhofer
- Challenging: Flanhofer
- SUPER knowledgeable about their subject: Flanhofer
- A über grader: Flanhofer
Luckily, actual college profs are all of those things but are also:
- Hilarious: Flanhofer
- Approachable: Flanhofer
- Innovative: Flanhofer
- Entertaining when they lecture: Flanhofer
- Very willing to be nicknamed: Flanny Pants
Oh would you look at that! It looks like you already have experience with a college professor! Shocking! Just spend some time around Flanhofer and you'll be ready to deal with your profs, no problem.
Friday, October 26, 2012
The Things That Peak Has Taught Me
Peak prides itself on being "college prep". Unfortunately, Peak in also tragically misguided and flawed so the actual "college prep" that goes on outside of academics is lame and flacid and makes you want to poke yourself in the eye very hard just to dull the monotony. Despite Peak's best efforts, I did learn some things in high school that have been helpful in college. None of them were learned through the counseling office. Go figure.
1) Parking. Do not attach your parking sticker directly to your window. Stick it to something clear like a plastic bag and then cut it out and tape that to your window. That way, when you can't find a spot in the student lot(s), you can just take the sticker out of your window and park in the visitors' lot. Then you can revel in your genius.
2) Valid excuses. "I forgot" is a better excuse than "The power went out" or "Oh, that was due today??" Make your excuse the truth whenever possible. Your teachers will respect you more and be more willing to give you another chance if you don't lie to them.
3) Studying around noise. You must master the art of studying in any environment. After cramming for finals backstage during a musical in the dark, you can study anywhere. Get very good at this. Dorms are never quiet. Libraries are never quiet. Common rooms are never quiet. Get used to it now or you will suffer later.
4) Fend for yourself. If you want a Bible study or a club or an event, make it happen. That's how you get what you want because if you wait for the school to do something, you will be waiting forever.
5) Use your teachers for your own amusement. If you have a boring class, make all of your questions rhyme, or add the phrase "according to Chuck Norris" to the end of every sentence your teacher says (in your own head), or count the number of times you can make your teacher say the word "revolution". If you are bored, it is your fault because you are not trying hard enough.
Props to you if you learn other things from Peak - I never could.
1) Parking. Do not attach your parking sticker directly to your window. Stick it to something clear like a plastic bag and then cut it out and tape that to your window. That way, when you can't find a spot in the student lot(s), you can just take the sticker out of your window and park in the visitors' lot. Then you can revel in your genius.
2) Valid excuses. "I forgot" is a better excuse than "The power went out" or "Oh, that was due today??" Make your excuse the truth whenever possible. Your teachers will respect you more and be more willing to give you another chance if you don't lie to them.
3) Studying around noise. You must master the art of studying in any environment. After cramming for finals backstage during a musical in the dark, you can study anywhere. Get very good at this. Dorms are never quiet. Libraries are never quiet. Common rooms are never quiet. Get used to it now or you will suffer later.
4) Fend for yourself. If you want a Bible study or a club or an event, make it happen. That's how you get what you want because if you wait for the school to do something, you will be waiting forever.
5) Use your teachers for your own amusement. If you have a boring class, make all of your questions rhyme, or add the phrase "according to Chuck Norris" to the end of every sentence your teacher says (in your own head), or count the number of times you can make your teacher say the word "revolution". If you are bored, it is your fault because you are not trying hard enough.
Props to you if you learn other things from Peak - I never could.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Those Things You Wear on Your Body That Look Like Clothes
Those things are called clothes. In high school, it matters a lot what you wear. Here, unless you are majoring in, well, fashion, you can pretty much wear whatever you want. In fact, if you buy sweatpants from the bookstore with your college's name on them, you can wear those pretty much anywhere. No one will judge you if you show up to class everyday in comfy jeans, a sweatshirt, and a ponytail (unless you are a guy in which case a ponytail is just a little too hipster). Really the only reason to put any thought into what you wear is in order to attract the opposite sex (which, if you are able to flirt at all, you should be able to do very well in sweatpants anyway).
The fact is that there are so many people at college that no one will remember what you wear unless you make a comment about it. So don't go about saying "Man I was lazy when I got dressed this morning" or things such as that. If you pretend that you are normal (none of you peakers are) then you will seem normal.
If you desire to be in style for some reason, just dress like you live in Boulder and occasionally say things about "mainstream". Don't claim to be hipster though because that ruins the illusion.
The fact is that there are so many people at college that no one will remember what you wear unless you make a comment about it. So don't go about saying "Man I was lazy when I got dressed this morning" or things such as that. If you pretend that you are normal (none of you peakers are) then you will seem normal.
If you desire to be in style for some reason, just dress like you live in Boulder and occasionally say things about "mainstream". Don't claim to be hipster though because that ruins the illusion.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
The Way Syllabi Work
*POSSEXCLUSADVICE: I really have no idea if this is a universal college concept or not*
In high school, you get a syllabus and forge your parents' signatures and then turn it back in and never see it again.
In college, your syllabus is your lifeline. All of your homework for the whole semester as well as what you will be doing in each class period will be outlined in your syllabus. Homework won't be put up on the board, you won't be reminded about tests and due dates, and you will be expected to look in the syllabus for the requirements for each assignment. I swear, if syllabi had arms, they could easily take over the world.
I like this system because it makes it super easy to predict when you will be drowning in work and when you will have time to party (and by "party" I mean "go to Bible study", duh). The only evil thing about it is that some teachers will try to trick you by hiding assignments in the class-explanation part of the syllabus and not in the chart with the rest of the homework. I have a professor who literally laughed maniacally when 90% of the class didn't have part of the homework for that day because he had made it so that you had to have read the entire syllabus in order to understand how to do it. So yeah, use your syllabi or your professors will cackle at you (and not in a cute-but-slightly-creepy Quinlan way).
Also, in case you didn't notice, I am still a little bit strapped for topics so if you have ideas or suggestions, let me know!
In high school, you get a syllabus and forge your parents' signatures and then turn it back in and never see it again.
In college, your syllabus is your lifeline. All of your homework for the whole semester as well as what you will be doing in each class period will be outlined in your syllabus. Homework won't be put up on the board, you won't be reminded about tests and due dates, and you will be expected to look in the syllabus for the requirements for each assignment. I swear, if syllabi had arms, they could easily take over the world.
I like this system because it makes it super easy to predict when you will be drowning in work and when you will have time to party (and by "party" I mean "go to Bible study", duh). The only evil thing about it is that some teachers will try to trick you by hiding assignments in the class-explanation part of the syllabus and not in the chart with the rest of the homework. I have a professor who literally laughed maniacally when 90% of the class didn't have part of the homework for that day because he had made it so that you had to have read the entire syllabus in order to understand how to do it. So yeah, use your syllabi or your professors will cackle at you (and not in a cute-but-slightly-creepy Quinlan way).
Also, in case you didn't notice, I am still a little bit strapped for topics so if you have ideas or suggestions, let me know!
Monday, October 22, 2012
Things Cost Money
Money: the scourge of the college existence. We all plan to pay for tuition and maybe even room and board, but there are so many things that I never thought about budgeting money for.
There are the things your parents used to pay for but don't now:
- Your cellphone bill
- Groceries and snacks
- Textbooks, school supplies, testing fees
There are the things that you never had to buy before college:
- Laundry detergent and use of the machines
- Coffee (you might have bought this before but you will buy it in bulk now)
- Printing in the library
- Fastfood at midnight
Then there are the things that you just forget that you have to buy:
- Gas / paying people back for gas
- Waterproof shoes because it does actually rain in Washington
- Admission to concerts and other awesome events
All together, you should be sure that you have an extra $1,000 or so for random things that cost money each year. If this is a super-huge problem, try looking on fastweb.com for little scholarships that you qualify for. They have really random ones that are like "Here's $500 for being tall", or "How about $300 for being able to juggle". Just apply to like 10 of them because they are so obscure that you very well could be the ONLY ONE who applies at all. If you can't juggle, use your awesome photoshop skillz (or something). You can use those scholarships to fill in the gaps so that you have some cash left over to buy 50 slinkies with for your next prank.
There are the things your parents used to pay for but don't now:
- Your cellphone bill
- Groceries and snacks
- Textbooks, school supplies, testing fees
There are the things that you never had to buy before college:
- Laundry detergent and use of the machines
- Coffee (you might have bought this before but you will buy it in bulk now)
- Printing in the library
- Fastfood at midnight
Then there are the things that you just forget that you have to buy:
- Gas / paying people back for gas
- Waterproof shoes because it does actually rain in Washington
- Admission to concerts and other awesome events
All together, you should be sure that you have an extra $1,000 or so for random things that cost money each year. If this is a super-huge problem, try looking on fastweb.com for little scholarships that you qualify for. They have really random ones that are like "Here's $500 for being tall", or "How about $300 for being able to juggle". Just apply to like 10 of them because they are so obscure that you very well could be the ONLY ONE who applies at all. If you can't juggle, use your awesome photoshop skillz (or something). You can use those scholarships to fill in the gaps so that you have some cash left over to buy 50 slinkies with for your next prank.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
When Parents Come
When your parents come to visit, make sure you do the following:
- Stock up on food and other things
- Force them to eat a meal in the cafeteria so that they will be more amenable to buying you other food
- Go out to eat as much as possible
- Clean your dorm room BEFORE they get there
- Tell your roommate to shower
- Bring your roommate with you when you go out because she/he is just as sick of cafeteria food as you are
- Pick them up from the airport so that they know you love them
It might also be a good idea to, you know, talk to them and stuff but it isn't strictly necessary. Try to seem well-adjusted and self-sufficient to the point that they don't have to worry about you, but not to the point that they stop sending you care-packages.
Give all of your inappropriate friends some ketamine so that they won't drop in unexpectedly and ask if they can borrow your weed/cigarettes/tap-shoes while your parents are there. Along that line, hide all of those things and surreptitiously leave some impressive-looking papers and textbooks laying around. If you can, check an upper-division chemistry book out of the library and take a page of really complicated notes on it using all of the long obscure words that you can and leave that on your desk - see what your parents make of that when you tell them your classes are easy.
- Stock up on food and other things
- Force them to eat a meal in the cafeteria so that they will be more amenable to buying you other food
- Go out to eat as much as possible
- Clean your dorm room BEFORE they get there
- Tell your roommate to shower
- Bring your roommate with you when you go out because she/he is just as sick of cafeteria food as you are
- Pick them up from the airport so that they know you love them
It might also be a good idea to, you know, talk to them and stuff but it isn't strictly necessary. Try to seem well-adjusted and self-sufficient to the point that they don't have to worry about you, but not to the point that they stop sending you care-packages.
Give all of your inappropriate friends some ketamine so that they won't drop in unexpectedly and ask if they can borrow your weed/cigarettes/tap-shoes while your parents are there. Along that line, hide all of those things and surreptitiously leave some impressive-looking papers and textbooks laying around. If you can, check an upper-division chemistry book out of the library and take a page of really complicated notes on it using all of the long obscure words that you can and leave that on your desk - see what your parents make of that when you tell them your classes are easy.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Sorry I disappeared
It is parent's weekend over here so I have been visiting with my mom and little brudder over the past few days. Fear not! I will be posting again quite soon and I promise you will not die in the meantime (maybe rugify slightly but that is beside the point). Happy Saturday everyone!
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
I'm At A Loss
This whole process of blogging is getting a little boring for me. It's like bald people who don't have mustaches - there's just something missing. So I'm going to ask you all to lend a hand. Comment on what you like (or don't like), Google+ me with the button under the popular posts, help me out with ideas on what to write about, or follow me (not literally because that's creepy and I probably wouldn't notice anyway so it would really just be a waste of your time). There are several of you who are wonderful and comment regularly, but I want to know what the rest of you think. Plus it's more entertaining for me if this is more of an interactive process. Basically, please just help me grow some mustaches because being a chick, it's hard to do that by myself.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Poison
There are some websites that are poisonous to studying as well as all other forms of productivity. If I was particularly conniving, I would only list helpful websites as I know that you will visit them wanting to know why they are poisonous. I am not conniving (today), however, and so the following list is to be perused at your own risk.
Contents may shift during shipping. Not a significant source of calcium. Parental guidance prohibited. Reading this sentence removes the writer of this post from liability for any tests you fail or homework you don't do because of this list. For best results, consume immediately. Do not refrigerate. Top rack dishwasher safe. Microwaveable. College tested and approved. All rights reserved (and some dibs'ed). Serving size 1 cup.
And now the list:
- Hulu (duh, you know that)
- Netflix (whoa! You did not see that coming)
- dog-shaming.com (if you have pets, you win)
- stumble.com (addictions are easily formed)
- Facebook (shocking)
- peakerssurvivalguide.blogspot.com (funny as heck)
- Buzz feed (so ... many ... links!)
- 22 words (there are way more than 22 words)
- Google Art Project (or any other site like it)
- Anything that is a "Chrome Experiment"
I'm sure there are more but I got distracted by tumblr...
Contents may shift during shipping. Not a significant source of calcium. Parental guidance prohibited. Reading this sentence removes the writer of this post from liability for any tests you fail or homework you don't do because of this list. For best results, consume immediately. Do not refrigerate. Top rack dishwasher safe. Microwaveable. College tested and approved. All rights reserved (and some dibs'ed). Serving size 1 cup.
And now the list:
- Hulu (duh, you know that)
- Netflix (whoa! You did not see that coming)
- dog-shaming.com (if you have pets, you win)
- stumble.com (addictions are easily formed)
- Facebook (shocking)
- peakerssurvivalguide.blogspot.com (funny as heck)
- Buzz feed (so ... many ... links!)
- 22 words (there are way more than 22 words)
- Google Art Project (or any other site like it)
- Anything that is a "Chrome Experiment"
I'm sure there are more but I got distracted by tumblr...
Monday, October 15, 2012
Be Careful What You Learn
*Posexclusadvice: only really useful at Christian/religious schools*
Just because someone is a professor does not mean that they are right about everything. Many Christian schools integrate faith into all of the subjects which is great if your professors believe in the same doctrine that you do. I have a history class that studies Western culture from the perspective of the development of Christianity (it was required). For this class, we are reading a book that discusses in detail the idea that the universe is supposedly populated by a host of spiritual beings that are engaged in a divine struggle with God and that is why other religions exist. Yeah. This guy is using the same scriptures that I memorized in Sunday school to try to prove that other "gods" exist. A bunch of people in my class just accepted this opinion as fact without any additional research or contemplation.
The moral of the story is know what you believe. It is natural for your faith to evolve as you grow up but you can't accept every idea at face value. Professors will actually respect you more if you debate and defend your own principles (assuming that your professors are more like Señor Matthews than Mr. Matthews (if you get a Mr. Matthews, just drop the class - save yourself)). Don't be one of those people who decides that ducks can give birth to ostriches just because your professor shows you a picture of a duck laying a textbook sized egg. Those are the people that get laughed at later on by talking about the extraordinary growth rate of duck fetuses.
Just because someone is a professor does not mean that they are right about everything. Many Christian schools integrate faith into all of the subjects which is great if your professors believe in the same doctrine that you do. I have a history class that studies Western culture from the perspective of the development of Christianity (it was required). For this class, we are reading a book that discusses in detail the idea that the universe is supposedly populated by a host of spiritual beings that are engaged in a divine struggle with God and that is why other religions exist. Yeah. This guy is using the same scriptures that I memorized in Sunday school to try to prove that other "gods" exist. A bunch of people in my class just accepted this opinion as fact without any additional research or contemplation.
The moral of the story is know what you believe. It is natural for your faith to evolve as you grow up but you can't accept every idea at face value. Professors will actually respect you more if you debate and defend your own principles (assuming that your professors are more like Señor Matthews than Mr. Matthews (if you get a Mr. Matthews, just drop the class - save yourself)). Don't be one of those people who decides that ducks can give birth to ostriches just because your professor shows you a picture of a duck laying a textbook sized egg. Those are the people that get laughed at later on by talking about the extraordinary growth rate of duck fetuses.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Good Thing, Bad Thing
Let's play a game. This game is called Good Thing, Bad Thing. Here are the rules: I will provide an example of something you could say or do to give yourself a certain reputation at college and you get to guess if it is a good thing or a bad thing.
Here goes:
1) Publicly talking about how you read every page of every reading assignment that is assigned to you
2) Refusing on principle to clean your side of the room until the layer of krap closest to the floor begins to desiccate
3) Bringing an ihome into the bathroom to play hipster music when you shower
4) Talking loudly about your sexual and/or boozy escapades in high school
5) Singing along to the songs when watching Disney movies
6) Folding other people's laundry when you need to use the machine that they left their clothes in (this is known as "Laundry Fairying"
7) Baking in the dorm kitchen
8) Always having food in class
9) Wandering around the dorm in skimpy pajamas every night
10) Always being sober when on campus
Answers:
1) Bad Thing
2) Bad Thing
3) Good Thing
4) Bad Thing
5) Good Thing
6) Good Thing (but don't fold other people's underwear because that is weird)
7) Good Thing
8) Bad Thing
9) Very Bad Thing
10) Good Thing
How did you do? If you got at least a 75% then you will have a good reputation in college! If not ... then, well you might want to buy a fedora.
Here goes:
1) Publicly talking about how you read every page of every reading assignment that is assigned to you
2) Refusing on principle to clean your side of the room until the layer of krap closest to the floor begins to desiccate
3) Bringing an ihome into the bathroom to play hipster music when you shower
4) Talking loudly about your sexual and/or boozy escapades in high school
5) Singing along to the songs when watching Disney movies
6) Folding other people's laundry when you need to use the machine that they left their clothes in (this is known as "Laundry Fairying"
7) Baking in the dorm kitchen
8) Always having food in class
9) Wandering around the dorm in skimpy pajamas every night
10) Always being sober when on campus
Answers:
1) Bad Thing
2) Bad Thing
3) Good Thing
4) Bad Thing
5) Good Thing
6) Good Thing (but don't fold other people's underwear because that is weird)
7) Good Thing
8) Bad Thing
9) Very Bad Thing
10) Good Thing
How did you do? If you got at least a 75% then you will have a good reputation in college! If not ... then, well you might want to buy a fedora.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
I Swear That This Happened
It is story time today.
My roommate, Evie, was walking back from dinner by herself a few days ago. Our dorm is about two minutes' walk away from the cafeteria on a well-lit sidewalk. She was crossing the street and a car was coming towards her so a guy who had been walking a few yards behind her ran across the road to beat the car. It wasn't a close call or dangerous at all but he ended up walking next to her. She had no idea who he was but that didn't stop him from telling her about his day.
After a few sentences, he said "Wait, we've never been introduced have we?"
"No, we haven't" she said.
"Oh... well... it doesn't matter" he said and then kept on talking about his day.
"No really, what's your name?" she asked
"It doesn't matter"
Needless to say she was kind of weirded out by this but they were almost back to the dorm so she just kept walking.
"Huh," he said, "I don't usually do this when it's so dark out."
"Do what?" she asked
"Oh it doesn't matter" he said again and then just kept talking
When they got into the dorm, one of the other guys who lives there waved at the creeper guy and said "Hey! D Man! What's up?"
"Is that your name, D Man?" she asked.
"Nah," he said, "It doesn't matter" and turned down a hall towards his room.
Evie was sufficiently creeped out for a while.
So, the moral of the story is: if you want to be creepy, act like this guy. Also, if you want a really good party story to tell, just walk back from dinner by yourself and hope that you get mildly creeped on.
My roommate, Evie, was walking back from dinner by herself a few days ago. Our dorm is about two minutes' walk away from the cafeteria on a well-lit sidewalk. She was crossing the street and a car was coming towards her so a guy who had been walking a few yards behind her ran across the road to beat the car. It wasn't a close call or dangerous at all but he ended up walking next to her. She had no idea who he was but that didn't stop him from telling her about his day.
After a few sentences, he said "Wait, we've never been introduced have we?"
"No, we haven't" she said.
"Oh... well... it doesn't matter" he said and then kept on talking about his day.
"No really, what's your name?" she asked
"It doesn't matter"
Needless to say she was kind of weirded out by this but they were almost back to the dorm so she just kept walking.
"Huh," he said, "I don't usually do this when it's so dark out."
"Do what?" she asked
"Oh it doesn't matter" he said again and then just kept talking
When they got into the dorm, one of the other guys who lives there waved at the creeper guy and said "Hey! D Man! What's up?"
"Is that your name, D Man?" she asked.
"Nah," he said, "It doesn't matter" and turned down a hall towards his room.
Evie was sufficiently creeped out for a while.
So, the moral of the story is: if you want to be creepy, act like this guy. Also, if you want a really good party story to tell, just walk back from dinner by yourself and hope that you get mildly creeped on.
Friday, October 12, 2012
College Clocks
Every college is in its own little time-zone. It's some kind of weird Twilight Zone time-warp thing that ends in no one getting any sleep ever. Things just start late in college and I really don't get it. I mean, what about 9:45 PM says "Gee, wouldn't it be great if we went to a Zumba class right now!?". I don't know about normal people, but I don't really want to go to things that don't even start until 10 or 11 at night, especially when I have class the next day.
There are people in the dorm that I have never seen asleep. Ok, that sounds creepy - like I seek out people to watch sleep. But seriously, I have always gone to sleep before these people and gotten up after them. I spent a year and a half as an insomniac and I got more sleep then than these people do now.
Things just start late here. This wouldn't really be a problem if things didn't also start early. I can't go to a 10:00 PM church service that lasts for two hours, do homework for an hour, and get up the next day for an 8:00 class. Maybe some people can but those people have more Adderall than I do.
So pretty much, you have to pick between sleeping and going to everything. Pick like one school night a week to go to things late at night and sleep the rest of the time. I promise that if you don't go to everything, you will not become a social pariah. No one will even remember you not being there unless you routinely incite rebellion or stand on a soap-box and give Preuss-like lectures.
There are people in the dorm that I have never seen asleep. Ok, that sounds creepy - like I seek out people to watch sleep. But seriously, I have always gone to sleep before these people and gotten up after them. I spent a year and a half as an insomniac and I got more sleep then than these people do now.
Things just start late here. This wouldn't really be a problem if things didn't also start early. I can't go to a 10:00 PM church service that lasts for two hours, do homework for an hour, and get up the next day for an 8:00 class. Maybe some people can but those people have more Adderall than I do.
So pretty much, you have to pick between sleeping and going to everything. Pick like one school night a week to go to things late at night and sleep the rest of the time. I promise that if you don't go to everything, you will not become a social pariah. No one will even remember you not being there unless you routinely incite rebellion or stand on a soap-box and give Preuss-like lectures.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Moochers Part 3: Homework
Mooching homework is tempting in college because the classes are only half a semester and the assignments tend to stay the same so it is easy to share files or mooch answers off of someone who either does their homework ahead of time, or who took your class last semester. It really seems like professors would have been through enough school that they would realize how tempting that system is in terms of mooching. Maybe if you read too many textbooks, you lose the ability to empathize with us lesser beings who don't have doctorates. Unfortunately, mooching homework in college is also dangerous because if you get caught, you will be pretty much instantly expelled. Insert righteous indignation here.
So, when mooching homework, it is permissible to ask for help, share notes, and trade flashcards and such. It is absolutely a bad idea to copy anything, share entire essays/assignments, or give someone your old tests. Basically, picture Flanny watching you mooch things from people and if there is steam pouring out from under her ears, make a note not to do that kind of mooching in the future.
Anyway, there aren't really guidelines for mooching homework, just trade evenly and repay people with food. Don't ask hoopoes for their homework or there will be feathers all over it. Bad idea.
Just don't get expelled or I'll feel bad.
So, when mooching homework, it is permissible to ask for help, share notes, and trade flashcards and such. It is absolutely a bad idea to copy anything, share entire essays/assignments, or give someone your old tests. Basically, picture Flanny watching you mooch things from people and if there is steam pouring out from under her ears, make a note not to do that kind of mooching in the future.
Anyway, there aren't really guidelines for mooching homework, just trade evenly and repay people with food. Don't ask hoopoes for their homework or there will be feathers all over it. Bad idea.
Just don't get expelled or I'll feel bad.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Moochers Part 2: Food
Food = power. Food = freedom. And, despite what your mother always told you, food = happiness. It is good to have a stash of food in your room in case you miss a meal or are studying so hard that you can't even make it to - ok I couldn't even finish writing that sentence because food is also more important that studying. Anyway, you want to have food around.
Moochers: If someone is, for example, eating goldfish out of a big bag, it is perfectly permissible to steal a handful for yourself (that is assuming that you know this person. Please don't steal food from strangers). If someone has food in huge quantities, tap that. Giant tubs of red vines are your friends, as are Costco portions of anything. Do your best not to mooch special or expensive food unless it is strictly offered to you.
Moochees: If you don't want to share, don't eat around other people. Duh to the nth degree. There is a guy in the dorm who is always eating jelly bellies but refuses to share with anyone - don't be that guy because we are scheming to steal his jelly beans and replace them with some kind of tiny turd lumps. Don't keep your stash in plain sight if you can help it. It is best to designate food that is for sharing by just setting it out in the open (a bowl of something on a table or to pass around during a movie).
Polite ways to mooch food: Offering something does not require a symbolic rejection ("Do you want a brownie" "No thanks" "Are you sure?" "Oh I guess that in the past two seconds I changed my mind and now I do want one. Also, I am a moron" don't do that - if you want the brownie just take it flat out). It's shocking, I know, but asking permission is always better than just taking things. Trading is good - if you want my popcorn, give me some of your beans. NO, the is NOT what she said, Stacia.
The best foods to have around are: Goldfish crackers, babybell cheeses, little candy things, off-brand chips (they are cheaper), juice/soda, coffee/tea, and popcorn of all varieties
Moochers: If someone is, for example, eating goldfish out of a big bag, it is perfectly permissible to steal a handful for yourself (that is assuming that you know this person. Please don't steal food from strangers). If someone has food in huge quantities, tap that. Giant tubs of red vines are your friends, as are Costco portions of anything. Do your best not to mooch special or expensive food unless it is strictly offered to you.
Moochees: If you don't want to share, don't eat around other people. Duh to the nth degree. There is a guy in the dorm who is always eating jelly bellies but refuses to share with anyone - don't be that guy because we are scheming to steal his jelly beans and replace them with some kind of tiny turd lumps. Don't keep your stash in plain sight if you can help it. It is best to designate food that is for sharing by just setting it out in the open (a bowl of something on a table or to pass around during a movie).
Polite ways to mooch food: Offering something does not require a symbolic rejection ("Do you want a brownie" "No thanks" "Are you sure?" "Oh I guess that in the past two seconds I changed my mind and now I do want one. Also, I am a moron" don't do that - if you want the brownie just take it flat out). It's shocking, I know, but asking permission is always better than just taking things. Trading is good - if you want my popcorn, give me some of your beans. NO, the is NOT what she said, Stacia.
The best foods to have around are: Goldfish crackers, babybell cheeses, little candy things, off-brand chips (they are cheaper), juice/soda, coffee/tea, and popcorn of all varieties
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Moochers Part 1: Cars
This moochers series will look at mooching from the perspective of the moocher and the moochee, and highlight polite ways to mooch each object for maximum efficiency.
Mooching is a fact of college life. You simply cannot bring everything that you want to bring and still be able to see the floor in your dorm room. So you kind of have to bring what you can't live without and hope that someone else will have brought that thing that you occasionally can't live without. Borrowing, sharing, lending, whatever - it's all mooching.
Cars are a hot mooching commodity because there are far more moochers in need of rides than moochees with cars. There is also an added complexity with cars because you cannot (usually) mooch just the car, you must also enlist the car's owner to drive it because you do not want to be responsible for their car (or, you don't want to lend your car to me because you know that I like to drive on the wrong side of dirt roads just because I can).
Moocher: Just know that gas costs money so if you want to go somewhere far away or somewhere that the owner of the car was not actually going, cough up. Tagging along is the best way to mooch a car - wait for the owner to say, "I'm going to Fred Meyer, be back in an hour or so" and then pounce and ask if you can come. If the driver doesn't immediately say yes, take the hint that you are unwanted and go back to trolling for rides - it helps if you don't smell like pot and if you wear a tight shirt. This way you aren't really mooching, you are accompanying. Pay for your driver's milk and call is square.
Moochee: Get ready because you will constantly be bombarded with requests to drive people places, pick people up from places, and carpool to places you aren't really going. It might be best to conceal the fact that you have a car from people who seem needy and/or people who look like they might make a midnight Jack in the Box run and then be too tired and/or fat to walk all the way back and call you to pick them up at one in the morning. Have a list of ready excuses for turning people down ("I have a class" works well, so does "Um, I hate you so no").
Polite ways to mooch cars: (has the word "mooch" lost all meaning to you yet? It stopped being a word to me somewhere around the third paragraph) Plan ahead. Plan. A. Head. Plan a freakin head. If you arrange in advance to go somewhere, it will feel much less like mooching and much more like a fun friendly outing. Wear your seatbelt. Don't call to get picked up unless it is an emergency. Duh. Don't be overly rowdy or stupid when riding in the car (don't flirt with other cars at red lights, don't throw things out the windows, don't bring along four other people that the driver doesn't know, especially if one of them may or may not be Darth Mal, wear your seatbelt). Offer gas money - $5 per 15 minutes spent in the car in a good margin, more if you know you are inconveniencing your driver. Wear your seatbelt. Did I mention you should wear your seatbelt?
Mooching is a fact of college life. You simply cannot bring everything that you want to bring and still be able to see the floor in your dorm room. So you kind of have to bring what you can't live without and hope that someone else will have brought that thing that you occasionally can't live without. Borrowing, sharing, lending, whatever - it's all mooching.
Cars are a hot mooching commodity because there are far more moochers in need of rides than moochees with cars. There is also an added complexity with cars because you cannot (usually) mooch just the car, you must also enlist the car's owner to drive it because you do not want to be responsible for their car (or, you don't want to lend your car to me because you know that I like to drive on the wrong side of dirt roads just because I can).
Moocher: Just know that gas costs money so if you want to go somewhere far away or somewhere that the owner of the car was not actually going, cough up. Tagging along is the best way to mooch a car - wait for the owner to say, "I'm going to Fred Meyer, be back in an hour or so" and then pounce and ask if you can come. If the driver doesn't immediately say yes, take the hint that you are unwanted and go back to trolling for rides - it helps if you don't smell like pot and if you wear a tight shirt. This way you aren't really mooching, you are accompanying. Pay for your driver's milk and call is square.
Moochee: Get ready because you will constantly be bombarded with requests to drive people places, pick people up from places, and carpool to places you aren't really going. It might be best to conceal the fact that you have a car from people who seem needy and/or people who look like they might make a midnight Jack in the Box run and then be too tired and/or fat to walk all the way back and call you to pick them up at one in the morning. Have a list of ready excuses for turning people down ("I have a class" works well, so does "Um, I hate you so no").
Polite ways to mooch cars: (has the word "mooch" lost all meaning to you yet? It stopped being a word to me somewhere around the third paragraph) Plan ahead. Plan. A. Head. Plan a freakin head. If you arrange in advance to go somewhere, it will feel much less like mooching and much more like a fun friendly outing. Wear your seatbelt. Don't call to get picked up unless it is an emergency. Duh. Don't be overly rowdy or stupid when riding in the car (don't flirt with other cars at red lights, don't throw things out the windows, don't bring along four other people that the driver doesn't know, especially if one of them may or may not be Darth Mal, wear your seatbelt). Offer gas money - $5 per 15 minutes spent in the car in a good margin, more if you know you are inconveniencing your driver. Wear your seatbelt. Did I mention you should wear your seatbelt?
Monday, October 8, 2012
When College Kids Play Games
It is shocking how much college kids like to play/do/watch childish things. We have built a mattress slide on the stairs, played Disney "scene it", watched "My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic", and had an extended sock fight in the laundry room. The idea is to just go with it and not pretend you don't think it's cool, no matter how childish you might consider any particular activity to be.
It is a good idea to bring at least three of the following things:
- Twister
- Apples to Apples
- Disney movies
- Goldfish crackers (The snack that smiles back)
- A hoola hoop
- Movies with a cult following (The Princess Bride, Monty Python, Tangled, Harry Potter, etc)
- Dr. Horrible goggles
- Super Soakers and/or Nerf guns
- Jelly beans
- A boy-band poster
- An ugly sweater
- Whoopie Cushions (plural)
Don't go overboard with this stuff - you still want to appear capable of having a conversation that isn't about farts. About once a week, feel free to take part in some kind of ridiculous activity and/or inter-dorm tree climbing race. The best way to use these objects is to keep them out in plain sight and wait for someone else to point at one of them and say, "Oh my gosh, that Firbie scared me so much yesterday when it was sitting in your window looking down at the quad!!" then you can begin the epic "Hide the Firbie Somewhere Slightly Disturbing" contest and see how many people you can freak out.
It is a good idea to bring at least three of the following things:
- Twister
- Apples to Apples
- Disney movies
- Goldfish crackers (The snack that smiles back)
- A hoola hoop
- Movies with a cult following (The Princess Bride, Monty Python, Tangled, Harry Potter, etc)
- Dr. Horrible goggles
- Super Soakers and/or Nerf guns
- Jelly beans
- A boy-band poster
- An ugly sweater
- Whoopie Cushions (plural)
Don't go overboard with this stuff - you still want to appear capable of having a conversation that isn't about farts. About once a week, feel free to take part in some kind of ridiculous activity and/or inter-dorm tree climbing race. The best way to use these objects is to keep them out in plain sight and wait for someone else to point at one of them and say, "Oh my gosh, that Firbie scared me so much yesterday when it was sitting in your window looking down at the quad!!" then you can begin the epic "Hide the Firbie Somewhere Slightly Disturbing" contest and see how many people you can freak out.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
College and Cliques
Well... cliques... don't exist in college...
Good news for everyone! College students seem to have finally matured beyond the point of teaming up against each other. I'm not saying that people don't form friend groups or that everyone likes each other, just that people don't ostracize each other.
It isn't really possible to have just one group of friends - you'll have friends from your dorm, friends from class, friends from clubs, and friends from the cafeteria and other miscellaneous places. Pretty much all you have to do so that people won't hate you is either have snacks or have movies. Having ostriches works to but those are harder to fit into your dorm room.
Just make sure that you don't "remake" yourself to the extent that you have to be someone else around each of your friends - that won't end well. One of the girls on my hall did that and then she was busted after only two weeks when one of her friends from class heard her talking to us in the cafeteria and asked why she didn't have a southern accent anymore. Oops! Yeah, don't do that or you might actually get ostracized. You know, if you alienate everyone, then it doesn't matter if people aren't teaming up against each other because they are all individually mad at you for being fake. It's one of those "the pieces sum up to greater than the whole" things.
Good news for everyone! College students seem to have finally matured beyond the point of teaming up against each other. I'm not saying that people don't form friend groups or that everyone likes each other, just that people don't ostracize each other.
It isn't really possible to have just one group of friends - you'll have friends from your dorm, friends from class, friends from clubs, and friends from the cafeteria and other miscellaneous places. Pretty much all you have to do so that people won't hate you is either have snacks or have movies. Having ostriches works to but those are harder to fit into your dorm room.
Just make sure that you don't "remake" yourself to the extent that you have to be someone else around each of your friends - that won't end well. One of the girls on my hall did that and then she was busted after only two weeks when one of her friends from class heard her talking to us in the cafeteria and asked why she didn't have a southern accent anymore. Oops! Yeah, don't do that or you might actually get ostracized. You know, if you alienate everyone, then it doesn't matter if people aren't teaming up against each other because they are all individually mad at you for being fake. It's one of those "the pieces sum up to greater than the whole" things.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Consider this a busy signal...
I'm very sorry if you expected an actual post today. I have a dress rehearsal to attend and midterms to study for so there will not be a proper post today. Tomorrow you will be returned to your regularly scheduled program. For now, enjoy this fancy little riddle: How many college students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. When the lights go out at college, you just party in the dark!
Friday, October 5, 2012
Suckers: The Ultimate Remedy to Sleeping in Class
No matter how interesting any given class may be, it is still possible to sleep through it. Heck, if you were up until 1 the previous night because there was a full-contact brownie-making party in the dorm kitchen, it is possible to sleep through anything. You don't want to alienate your teachers or miss out on content, though, so you need some way to stay awake in class that doesn't involve Adderall.
This is where the fourth grade comes in handy. Remember how your would get a sucker if you were good in class? And then you could sit there eating it and everyone would be jealous? And that was where your narcissism complex was born? Yeah that's the part of fourth grade that is useful (never mind that whole long-division debacle).
Suckers. Lollipops (if you want to be "politically" correct). They are yummy. They are brightly colored. They are full of all kinds of sugary goodness. They are a staple of the college classroom.
Ok, so when I say that suckers are a staple, do not be confused. No one really eats suckers in class. BUT THEY SHOULD.
It is impossible to fall asleep whilst consuming a sucker. That is a scientific fact. I tried it and it cannot be done. I suggest that you buy a big bag of suckers (they are cheap at Target and Walmart) and keep one or two in your pencil case at all times. Make sure you get the full-sized kind because dum-dums are too small. If you start to feel tired in class, just pull out a sucker and put it on your desk. Wait as long as you possibly can before you eat it. It will sit there and call out to you and keep you awake long enough for the end of class to be in sight. Once you can't stand it anymore and your saliva glands are so active that the person next to you moved down two seats so her notebook wouldn't get wet, open your sucker. You may now eat it SLOWLY - no biting allowed. Make it last and do your best to focus on your work.
If your professor challenges you for eating in class, just calmly inform him/her that suckers are Dr. recommended* and that your professor should be flattered that you are making such an effort to remain conscious in his/her class. If all else fails, offer him/her your extra sucker.
Just in case you were wondering, yes, I am a revolutionary. Tell your friends. Comment below.
*This astrix is implied when you speak so it isn't really a lie, it simply alludes to the fact that "Dr." here is not short for "doctor" it is short for "dork" as in "the dork who writes this blog I read"
This is where the fourth grade comes in handy. Remember how your would get a sucker if you were good in class? And then you could sit there eating it and everyone would be jealous? And that was where your narcissism complex was born? Yeah that's the part of fourth grade that is useful (never mind that whole long-division debacle).
Suckers. Lollipops (if you want to be "politically" correct). They are yummy. They are brightly colored. They are full of all kinds of sugary goodness. They are a staple of the college classroom.
Ok, so when I say that suckers are a staple, do not be confused. No one really eats suckers in class. BUT THEY SHOULD.
It is impossible to fall asleep whilst consuming a sucker. That is a scientific fact. I tried it and it cannot be done. I suggest that you buy a big bag of suckers (they are cheap at Target and Walmart) and keep one or two in your pencil case at all times. Make sure you get the full-sized kind because dum-dums are too small. If you start to feel tired in class, just pull out a sucker and put it on your desk. Wait as long as you possibly can before you eat it. It will sit there and call out to you and keep you awake long enough for the end of class to be in sight. Once you can't stand it anymore and your saliva glands are so active that the person next to you moved down two seats so her notebook wouldn't get wet, open your sucker. You may now eat it SLOWLY - no biting allowed. Make it last and do your best to focus on your work.
If your professor challenges you for eating in class, just calmly inform him/her that suckers are Dr. recommended* and that your professor should be flattered that you are making such an effort to remain conscious in his/her class. If all else fails, offer him/her your extra sucker.
Just in case you were wondering, yes, I am a revolutionary. Tell your friends. Comment below.
*This astrix is implied when you speak so it isn't really a lie, it simply alludes to the fact that "Dr." here is not short for "doctor" it is short for "dork" as in "the dork who writes this blog I read"
Thursday, October 4, 2012
To Mac or Not To Mac
I have a Mac. I was actually convinced that I wanted a PC but my parents talked me into getting a Mac and I figured that as long as they were footing the bill, I might as well upgrade. Overall, the Mac is better. It runs smoother, has fewer problems, is easier to customize for student use, and generally exceeds expectations.
However. There are some things about it that I hate. Whitworth is a PC school. All of the professors have PCs and the libraries are also all filled with nice little banks of PC Processing Power. That means that anything that I submit online has to be re-formatted on a Windows or requires several extra steps so that the professors can read it. I bought Microsoft Office software that is on my computer but it is angsty and doesn't actually have blank templates that would work for writing papers (they are all fancily formatted specials with pictures and annoying colors that I can't use - I think my professors would flay me alive if I submitted a paper on the "Business Document 1" format which includes colored side-bars, graphs, and automatically inserts footnotes when I try to parenthetically cite things). So I have to use Pages which itself has many drawbacks. Pages doesn't have an option to change the language for Spanish or Swahili papers so I have to turn off the spell-checking software or the little red lines make me suicidal. Then I have to transfer the papers to a PC to spell-check them before I print them. Pages doesn't have a built-in dictionary or thesaurus. Pages doesn't have very accurate proofreading software (it likes to underline random words like "mash" or "create" and tell me that they are underlined because I should "Never Hyphenate" them. Thanks, I think I knew that "ostrich" doesn't have a hyphen in it, pages). Pages doesn't have a way to stop it from spellchecking certain words (Whitworth IS A WORD, you freak). Pages has shortcuts for accents but they are accents in the wrong direction so I still have to look up the letters in symbols and insert them manually (I tried to turn in a paper with backwards accents in it and my professor handed it back to me and told my not to write things in French. Gee, thanks).
I think that if I wasn't a student, I would have zero problems with my Mac but here, at a PC school, I am incompatible with their programs. So I guess my advice is so get whichever operating system your school uses (look for pictures of the library on the website). It's just easier that way.
PS: it is entirely possible that I am simply a computer fail and that there are easy ways to fix all of my problems with my Mac. I don't care, the point is that I haven't been able to figure it out which is itself a problem with the system because I have tried many times. It would help if the tech support here wasn't limited only to Windows (they laughed at me in the library when I asked if there was anyone who could help me format my Mac). *Sigh*
However. There are some things about it that I hate. Whitworth is a PC school. All of the professors have PCs and the libraries are also all filled with nice little banks of PC Processing Power. That means that anything that I submit online has to be re-formatted on a Windows or requires several extra steps so that the professors can read it. I bought Microsoft Office software that is on my computer but it is angsty and doesn't actually have blank templates that would work for writing papers (they are all fancily formatted specials with pictures and annoying colors that I can't use - I think my professors would flay me alive if I submitted a paper on the "Business Document 1" format which includes colored side-bars, graphs, and automatically inserts footnotes when I try to parenthetically cite things). So I have to use Pages which itself has many drawbacks. Pages doesn't have an option to change the language for Spanish or Swahili papers so I have to turn off the spell-checking software or the little red lines make me suicidal. Then I have to transfer the papers to a PC to spell-check them before I print them. Pages doesn't have a built-in dictionary or thesaurus. Pages doesn't have very accurate proofreading software (it likes to underline random words like "mash" or "create" and tell me that they are underlined because I should "Never Hyphenate" them. Thanks, I think I knew that "ostrich" doesn't have a hyphen in it, pages). Pages doesn't have a way to stop it from spellchecking certain words (Whitworth IS A WORD, you freak). Pages has shortcuts for accents but they are accents in the wrong direction so I still have to look up the letters in symbols and insert them manually (I tried to turn in a paper with backwards accents in it and my professor handed it back to me and told my not to write things in French. Gee, thanks).
I think that if I wasn't a student, I would have zero problems with my Mac but here, at a PC school, I am incompatible with their programs. So I guess my advice is so get whichever operating system your school uses (look for pictures of the library on the website). It's just easier that way.
PS: it is entirely possible that I am simply a computer fail and that there are easy ways to fix all of my problems with my Mac. I don't care, the point is that I haven't been able to figure it out which is itself a problem with the system because I have tried many times. It would help if the tech support here wasn't limited only to Windows (they laughed at me in the library when I asked if there was anyone who could help me format my Mac). *Sigh*
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Testing
We all know that in high school, despite the teachers' best intentions, testing comes in waves where there will be three weeks of no assessments and then bam! every teacher gives a test. It's evil. Testing waves are second only to death in the the leading causes of death in teenagers (tell your friends).
There is a phenomena in college called "Eternal Assessmenting" (yeah, I made that term up, shocking I know). Basically, you never stop being assessed in college. A combination of classes giving tests more often, and each class having multiple ways to assess at once add up to the sad reality that you never go a week without a test or an essay or something.
This means if you get into the mindset of "I'll work on that after I take this other test" then you will fail. You can't just study for one thing at a time. For example, this week, I have two quizzes, three essays due, one project assigned, three books to read, and two unit tests. I only have 5 classes so if you look at the numbers there, I have 2.2 assessments per class due THIS WEEK. In addition to other reading assignments, exercises, and homework things.
Don't freak out yet though, because I haven't gotten to the best part yet: I am done with all of it! Apparently, I have an awesome system and now I am a week ahead in material. Yup, I rock. So long story short, it is possible to not be overwhelmed if you stay on top of things (I call it "being a wench" oh snap, that was a little bit too dirty for me but I'm gonna leave it there anyway).
*Incidentally, I am pretty much out of things to write about so you guys have to be active readers and tell me what you would like to hear about, what you think is funny, and what I should immediately stop doing and never attempt again. Comment below!*
Cheers!
There is a phenomena in college called "Eternal Assessmenting" (yeah, I made that term up, shocking I know). Basically, you never stop being assessed in college. A combination of classes giving tests more often, and each class having multiple ways to assess at once add up to the sad reality that you never go a week without a test or an essay or something.
This means if you get into the mindset of "I'll work on that after I take this other test" then you will fail. You can't just study for one thing at a time. For example, this week, I have two quizzes, three essays due, one project assigned, three books to read, and two unit tests. I only have 5 classes so if you look at the numbers there, I have 2.2 assessments per class due THIS WEEK. In addition to other reading assignments, exercises, and homework things.
Don't freak out yet though, because I haven't gotten to the best part yet: I am done with all of it! Apparently, I have an awesome system and now I am a week ahead in material. Yup, I rock. So long story short, it is possible to not be overwhelmed if you stay on top of things (I call it "being a wench" oh snap, that was a little bit too dirty for me but I'm gonna leave it there anyway).
*Incidentally, I am pretty much out of things to write about so you guys have to be active readers and tell me what you would like to hear about, what you think is funny, and what I should immediately stop doing and never attempt again. Comment below!*
Cheers!
Doing Dishes
Despite my best efforts, I still use dishes. Also despite my best efforts, they pile up in front of the microwave because I don't want to do them.
Doing dishes in a bathroom sink is gross. It is also time-consuming and futile as your dishes will never really be clean. If you leave coffee sitting in a cup all day, it will be impossible to get the sludgy brown dregs out of the bottom of the mug. If at all possible, take your dishes to the bathroom immediately after finishing with them and rinse them out so that you can get away with not actually washing them.
If you find that you absolutely must do dishes, you will need a little dish brush and some dish soap (try to get a bottle that looks like it will close securely because it is laughably hard to get soap out of a drawer when it spills everywhere in there.) A dish towel is also nice but not necessary. DON'T fill the sink with water like you would at home - people spit their toothpaste in there! Do your best to scrub everything out without actually touching the inside of the sink. If you need things to soak, fill them with hot water and leave them sitting next to the sink while you wash the rest of the dishes.
Just in case, here are some things you can do to avoid using dishes:
- Don't eat in your room
- Use coffee filters as bowls (don't try to eat cereal this way. It doesn't work)
- Only use cups with water
- Give up because it is impossible not to use dishes
Doing dishes in a bathroom sink is gross. It is also time-consuming and futile as your dishes will never really be clean. If you leave coffee sitting in a cup all day, it will be impossible to get the sludgy brown dregs out of the bottom of the mug. If at all possible, take your dishes to the bathroom immediately after finishing with them and rinse them out so that you can get away with not actually washing them.
If you find that you absolutely must do dishes, you will need a little dish brush and some dish soap (try to get a bottle that looks like it will close securely because it is laughably hard to get soap out of a drawer when it spills everywhere in there.) A dish towel is also nice but not necessary. DON'T fill the sink with water like you would at home - people spit their toothpaste in there! Do your best to scrub everything out without actually touching the inside of the sink. If you need things to soak, fill them with hot water and leave them sitting next to the sink while you wash the rest of the dishes.
Just in case, here are some things you can do to avoid using dishes:
- Don't eat in your room
- Use coffee filters as bowls (don't try to eat cereal this way. It doesn't work)
- Only use cups with water
- Give up because it is impossible not to use dishes
Monday, October 1, 2012
A Day In the Life of a Whitworth Student
This will probably be more fun for me to write than for you to read but I'm sure you'll survive.
A typical Monday for me:
6:00 - alarm goes off, hit snooze
6:15 - attempt to get off of the top bunk without waking up my roommate who doesn't have class until 11 today
6:30 - take shower
6:45 - make coffee, get ready in near-darkness without making any noise
7:00 - still getting ready, stub toe on chair, violently curse whoever invented chairs
7:15 - gather up all of my school krap and shove it in back-pack, re-print the paper that I just ruined by shoving it into my back-pack
7:30 - walk to breakfast, note sardonically how cold it is in the morning even though the planet is supposedly about to catch fire and kill us all
7:45 - lament the fact that the cafeteria never has bacon
8:00 - sit down in Spanish 301, silently hope that the professor doesn't show up
8:15 - begin doing the bizarre but still boring Spanish activities that should have ended in high school but didn't ("Maria and George are looking at pictures! Write about what you see each person in the pictures doing." Oh dang, my arm just fell off. Too bad I've been reduced to a pile of sarcastic ooze by this activity or that might get me out of this.)
8:30 - begin reading Lectura, realize that this is why I don't hate Spanish
8:45 - Turn in essay, be glad that I had the foresight to put it in a folder or it would've been mulch by now.
9:00 - Sit down in Core 150
9:15 - take notes on the lecture
9:30 - continue taking notes on the lecture
9:45 - guess what? I'm still taking notes on the lecture
10:00 - pretend to take notes while thinking that if I had super powers, I could run really fast and out that door and no one would ever see me
10:15 - thank God the lecture ended because I was about to make a break for it
10:30 - Sit down in Lit
10:45 - This is the best class ever! We are watching Vertigo
11:00 - I'm hungry but Hitchcock is delicious
11:15 - ok, I might die if I don't get food. Seriously, how did I survive 9 years of 12:45 lunches at Peak?
11:30 - Walk into the cafeteria and lose all interest in Hitchcock because they have hamburgers
11:45 - HAMBURGERS!
12:00 - Sit down in dorm at desk, determined to do homework
12:15 - Did you know that there are more than 20 "Harry Potter"s on FaceBook?
12:30 - What? I'm not watching Friends! That would never happen!
12:45 - Ok, I'm doing the reading assignment for Lit now.
1:00 - hang on, I'm still doing the assignment
1:15 - still reading
1:30 - give me a break, it's a long assignment!
1:45 - Ok, now I'm doing Spanish homework
2:00 - Yes, I am so interested in irregular subjunctive conjugations
2:15 - I had to disable the internet on my computer because a certain Peaker was IMing me (why aren't you at school, child?!)
2:30 - Almost done with Spanish...
2:45 - And now I'm putting sticky notes on my core lecture
3:00 - look how dedicated I am, still doing homework!
3:15 - Holy krap, my spelling sucks when I take notes. Any idea what this word is: conscingtoidlty? I really hope that is spelled wrong because I will never be able to memorize that term
3:30 - my roommate is back from class
3:45 - Now I'm writing an essay for Freshman Seminar
4:00 - essays are boring...
4:15 - I feel bad for the professor who must read this drivel...
4:30 - and BREAK! Watch Friends and eat a snack
4:45 - wait, the episodes are 25 minutes long
5:00 - ok, last bit of homework for today (it's a light day)
5:15 - I'm taking my time with this assignment, it's for Acting I
5:30 - Almost done...
5:45 - Done! With homework! Leave for dinner before the line gets too long
6:00 - They have pasta!
6:15 - Omq, this might not be pasta
6:30 - Why am I still eating this?
6:45 - leave for rehearsal
7:00 - I'm the caterpillar in Alice and Wonderland
7:15 - (no, I don't get to smoke any beans. That would be epic though...)
7:30 - I wear this big, fuzzy blue robe that makes me feverish because it is so heavily insulated
7:45 - Still rehearsing...
8:00 - getting notes...
8:15 - working the scene with the stage-fall that a certain actress just can't pull off
8:30 - and rehearsal gets out early!
8:45 - EPIC! They built an obstacle course out of the couches in the lounge again!
9:00 - THERE'S A MATTRESS SLIDE!!!!!
9:15 - THERE'S STILL A MATTRESS SLIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9:30 - Sit in dorm room with other people, watch an episode of something
9:45 - Pretend I'm not writing my blog post for the next day while we watch
10:00 - Do you think there are a lot of inside jokes at Peak? Now go to college! You might die laughing...
10:15 - hang on, people are still laughing
10:30 - panic because someone mentioned an assignment I forgot to do
10:45 - realize I'm in college and I don't have that class tomorrow because I had it today. Thank God for being awesome
11:00 - Play guitar because it would be lame if I went to bed right now
11:15 - GsusM, AM7, C2, B, FbM, E, repeat
11:30 - Quiet hours start
11:45 - ok, people who short-sheet other people are so mean.
12:00 - lay in bed laughing while my roommate tells an awesome story
12:15 - I'm so glad I'm not an insomniac anymore!
12:30 - Zzzzzzzz....
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