Working Out

Working out is evil and it sucks until you get used to it (at which point you are no longer a human being so you might as well be fat anyway).  Fortunately, there are ways around working out.

And so I present: My Epic List of Ways to Work Out Without Feeling Like You are Working Out

That title might need work

1) Build a really big snowman.  If you have ever spent an hour bent over rolling large amounts of frozen water around and then lifting said frozen water up onto other mounds of frozen water, then you can attest to how heavy frozen water is.  Extra props if you try not to get too wet - squatting is a much better workout than kneeling, and it is much harder to lift things when you won't let them touch your body.
2) Ride your bike to the store.  You are a college student so you have no money for gas even if you have a car.  Ride your bike but make sure you don't buy more groceries than you can fit in your backpack or you will be in trouble.  It also helps if you remember to bring your backpack.
3) Study in the lounge downstairs.  But, you can only bring down one thing at a time so you will have to make trips back and forth up the stairs to get all of your stuff.  If you need a challenge, try hopping up the stairs with both feet together (don't do this down the stairs because you might be carrying a compufer and it is very easy to trip) (also, don't tie your feet together - it makes it really hard to keep your face from making sudden, violent contact with the ground).
4) Carry a lot of heavy things in your backpack.  This isn't high school.  My backpack usually has about 5 pounds of stuff in it.  But, if you want a workout, carry around all of your textbooks and try walking to class with one foot in the street and one foot on the sidewalk.  You will have to lift the street side of your body up to sidewalk level every other step (and you will work out the other side of your body on the way back from class).  You might feel like an idiot but don't worry, you look like one too.
5) Stand on one foot as much as possible.  This works your abs or something (give me a break, I'm not majoring in health sciences).  Just put one foot on top of the other while you wait in line or brush your teeth.  Try to keep your balance without looking stoned.
6) Pace while you study flashcards.  Do something different for every word - you will feel so awesome in class when you think '"Binary Fission" that's the card that I studied while I did squat thrusts'.  Some ideas include: lunges, bunny hops, hopping on one foot, grapevine, happy feet, the electric slide, jazz squares, pirouettes, kick-boxing, and walking like a hoopoe (you stick your leg straight out in front of you and then lower it slowly to the floor with each step - that was quite a workout for me every day, let me tell you).
7) Stretch while you watch TV.  I'm not sure if this actually counts as working out but it will help you not to be sore at any rate.  Hold each position until a commercial (or, if you use netflicks like all other college students, then hold for a certain number of minutes and keep your phone in your lap to see when your time is up).  If you do this right, people probably won't even notice that you are stretching (or if they do then they will just think that you are super flexible or something).
8) Speed-clean.  Give yourself five minutes to clean your whole dorm room.  You have no idea how out of breath you will be at the end, or how happy you will make your roommate.
9) Be that person who always climbs things.
10) Integrate crunches into your homework.  Every time you finish a page, do 10 sit-ups.  Or, every 10 minutes, run down the hall to the stairs at the end, down the stairs, across the hall beneath you, and up the stairs at the other end.  Warning: people might think that you are crazy and/or stalking them when you pass by their room every 10 minutes for 3 hours.

So there you have it.  10 ways to trick yourself into working out.  It goes without saying that most of these things should be done alone and/or where no one who will judge you can see you.  It will help if your roommate is gone a lot and/or if you can get him/her to do theses things with you.

Happy lunging!