Thursday, September 13, 2012

Communal Bathrooms. Kill Me Now.

If you have ever been curious about what it would be like to live in a dorm, do this:
1 - move all of your things into your closet
2 - make sure you only take up half of your closet because someone else will be living in there too
3 - drive down to the local rec center whenever you have to shower or go to the bathroom

Ok, it's not that bad - I actually like living in a dorm.  But, there are still certain things that you definitely must have to survive the communal bathroom experience or you will be eaten alive by the terrier-sized tangle of hair that accumulates in the shower drains.  (no, really)

Things you must have include, but are not limited to:
- A bathrobe.  Walking around in just a towel is never safe (especially because most dorms are co-ed and the boys love to walk down our hall in the mornings to "get coffee").  Also, you have to change in that tiny little air-lock space between the shower and the outside world, with that sadistic curtain that is two inches narrower than the door-hole, and the ground all wet and slimy from people's sadistic feet creeping.  You can't change in there.  It is much easier to just hang up your robe and towel.  That way, you don't have to drag your pajama legs through the snail-creep-goo on the ground.
- Retractable cords.  When you have to carry around your hairdryer and curling iron and stuff all the time (boys, I'm talking to you), retractable cords become your new sex slaves.  I mean not!  Because that was really creepy!  Sorry, anyway, retractable cords are great.  Yeah.
- Shower shoes.  Just start getting used to showering in shoes now or you will have other people's hair trying to start a parasitic relationship with your feet and then your feet will rebel and you won't have any feet.  Or something like that.
- Small bottles.  Mouthwash comes in, like, gallon sized bottles.  I don't want to carry that around all the time!  So buy the big mouthwashes and the hugenormous bottles of shampoo and stuff, and then buy little bottles (bigger than travel-sized, just something that will fit into your shower-caddy).  When the little ones run out, re-fill them from the big ones.  That way, your arm doesn't break from carrying around economy sized shampoos, and your pajamas don't get big, green mouthwash stains on them from juggling leaky bottles (don't ask).
- A shower caddy.  Don't get a fabric one, they get all moldy, just get something plastic that will fit all of your junk and then write your name (or really any name that no one else in your hall has) on it so you don't lose it in the big pile of pink plastic organizers from Wal-mart.

There you go.  Follow those steps and the drain-hair monsters will be so mesmerized by your resourcefulness and BAness that they will leave you in peace and not try to suction-cup themselves to your face when you close your eyes to rinse.  (Hah!  Take that image and suck on it, creepy meth commercial with the girl in the shower!)


  1. Thankyou!!! This is my biggest fear of college!

  2. Just look out for drain monsters and you'll be all good :)