Lucky you, I still feel like writing posts about food so you get to keep reading them. Fight on, my brave soldiers.
Anyway, one annoying thing about eating at college is trying to eat quickly. Imagine, if you will, that you have an 8:00 class and your alarm goes off at 6:30. Now, you were up until 1:36 last night playing glow-in-the-dark Frisbee with a glow-stick necklace and you do not feel like getting up. You hit snooze until 7 and then figure you better get up. The problem is, if you want to eat in the cafeteria, you need to leave your dorm room buy 7:30. If you are a guy, you might be ok, but if you are a girl, you are screwed.
Eating in the cafeteria is a process that simply takes time. You are not allowed to take food out of the room and back to your dorm or to your class. So, you have to walk there, swipe in, stand in line to get food, eat it, stand in line to put your dishes on the conveyor belt, swipe out, and walk back. The absolute fastest that this process can be accomplished, assuming that you don't have to wait in long lines and get something easy to eat, it 17.23 minutes.
So, if you need to eat fast, you need to do it in your room. It is always a good idea to have granola bars or microwave oatmeal on hand so that you can scarf something down while you get ready. There's nothing quite like doing your make-up in the dark whilst chugging down thick, sludgy coffee whilst trying not to wake up your roommate whilst watching the clock tick closer and closer to 8:00. Then you realize that you forgot to budget time to actually walk to class. Now you are chugging down coffee whilst swearing violently under your breath. Now you are choking.
Or you can just adopt the true college breakfast of coffee and a cheese-stick.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Snacking
Yummmmmm Food is good.
College snacks must be cheap, simple, easily stored, not make you too fat, and not create dishes which then have to be washed in the bathroom sink (which just seems so gross to me).
Ideal snacks include:
- Nutella on pretzels. This is my favorite snack ever. Just dip the pretzels right into the jar so you don't have to bother with a knife. Waffle pretzels work best.
- Fruit leather wrapped around a cheese stick. It's like hors d'oeuvours but without the pretentious Frenchy spelling (I had to google how to spell that, incidentally).
- Microwave popcorn with chocolate chips. Just dump a handful of chocolate chips into the bag of popcorn right after you open it. The chocolate will melt and your snack will lose all semblance of healthiness but be awesomer than regular popcorn.
- Mini pepperonis right out of the bag.
- Frozen grapes. Perfect if your dorm doesn't have air-conditioning (ahem). Sprinkle a little sugar on them if you have it.
- Flavored rice cakes. Almost like potato chips...
- Saltines and tea. Perfect for studying while it's raining, especially if you are studying in the common room and you know that people would steal your food if it was chips or something.
- Strawberries and powdered lemonade. No really, put the lemonade powder in a coffee filter (because it is cheap and you don't have to wash it) and then dip the ends of the strawberries in it. So good.
- Goldfish crackers
- Beans (preferably smoked, Stacia)
- Cheerios and yogurt. Cheerios are MUCH cheaper than granola. Granola is a luxury comparable with gold-plated jazz shoes.
- Wheat-thins dipped in hummus.
- Baby carrots with ranch or some other dressing.
I'm sure there are more but I can't think of them right now... Happy snacking!
PS: test these at home before you plan on them for college :)
College snacks must be cheap, simple, easily stored, not make you too fat, and not create dishes which then have to be washed in the bathroom sink (which just seems so gross to me).
Ideal snacks include:
- Nutella on pretzels. This is my favorite snack ever. Just dip the pretzels right into the jar so you don't have to bother with a knife. Waffle pretzels work best.
- Fruit leather wrapped around a cheese stick. It's like hors d'oeuvours but without the pretentious Frenchy spelling (I had to google how to spell that, incidentally).
- Microwave popcorn with chocolate chips. Just dump a handful of chocolate chips into the bag of popcorn right after you open it. The chocolate will melt and your snack will lose all semblance of healthiness but be awesomer than regular popcorn.
- Mini pepperonis right out of the bag.
- Frozen grapes. Perfect if your dorm doesn't have air-conditioning (ahem). Sprinkle a little sugar on them if you have it.
- Flavored rice cakes. Almost like potato chips...
- Saltines and tea. Perfect for studying while it's raining, especially if you are studying in the common room and you know that people would steal your food if it was chips or something.
- Strawberries and powdered lemonade. No really, put the lemonade powder in a coffee filter (because it is cheap and you don't have to wash it) and then dip the ends of the strawberries in it. So good.
- Goldfish crackers
- Beans (preferably smoked, Stacia)
- Cheerios and yogurt. Cheerios are MUCH cheaper than granola. Granola is a luxury comparable with gold-plated jazz shoes.
- Wheat-thins dipped in hummus.
- Baby carrots with ranch or some other dressing.
I'm sure there are more but I can't think of them right now... Happy snacking!
PS: test these at home before you plan on them for college :)
Friday, September 28, 2012
Things That End Early
This is a completely foreign concept to most high school students but and exciting new reality in college: things that end early.
You have no idea how exciting it is when, 14 minutes before the end of class, a teacher looks at the class and says "Well, that's all for today! See you on Monday". The first time this happened to me, I didn't know what to do. I wondered if we were allowed to leave or if this was all some kind of sick, twisted, Kyle Matthews-style mind game that I was about to lose. It's not.
Some professors will simply excuse class early when they get through everything that was planned. Some professors will lose the thread of what they were saying and visibly give up. Still others will listen to That Kid ask a question, stare blankly at the class, and then tell everyone to get out so that they can mourn the sorry state of American youth that think "So, when will we get to the 'sex organs' part of Biology?" is a pertinent and appropriate question to ask.
Regardless of why you are being released early, it is a wonderful surprise. You then have time to spend pretending to do homework outside, or taking an extra-long lunch, or walking to the very sketchy fast-food place that doesn't appear to have a name a block from campus.
The only time you can count on being let out early is exam periods. I have yet to meet a single professor who forces you to stay for the entire exam period. If you are the kind of person who finishes tests early, you will finally discover the reason that you have honed your speed-testing skillz. If only CSAPS or TCAPS or whatever they are called were like that.
Basically, the moral of the story is two-fold:
- Getting out of class is awesome and makes you feel like someone might actually trust you to not stumble blindly into traffic if you are released 16 seconds before the bell.
- It is possible to make certain professors let the class out early (repeat after me: "Can we just watch the movie instead of bothering with cliffs notes? Or is that frowned upon?") (Note: Sometimes, the professor will release ONLY you from class when you do this. Let me be clear: that is not a good thing. You will probably fail that course because now that professor hates you. Choose your targets wisely.)
You have no idea how exciting it is when, 14 minutes before the end of class, a teacher looks at the class and says "Well, that's all for today! See you on Monday". The first time this happened to me, I didn't know what to do. I wondered if we were allowed to leave or if this was all some kind of sick, twisted, Kyle Matthews-style mind game that I was about to lose. It's not.
Some professors will simply excuse class early when they get through everything that was planned. Some professors will lose the thread of what they were saying and visibly give up. Still others will listen to That Kid ask a question, stare blankly at the class, and then tell everyone to get out so that they can mourn the sorry state of American youth that think "So, when will we get to the 'sex organs' part of Biology?" is a pertinent and appropriate question to ask.
Regardless of why you are being released early, it is a wonderful surprise. You then have time to spend pretending to do homework outside, or taking an extra-long lunch, or walking to the very sketchy fast-food place that doesn't appear to have a name a block from campus.
The only time you can count on being let out early is exam periods. I have yet to meet a single professor who forces you to stay for the entire exam period. If you are the kind of person who finishes tests early, you will finally discover the reason that you have honed your speed-testing skillz. If only CSAPS or TCAPS or whatever they are called were like that.
Basically, the moral of the story is two-fold:
- Getting out of class is awesome and makes you feel like someone might actually trust you to not stumble blindly into traffic if you are released 16 seconds before the bell.
- It is possible to make certain professors let the class out early (repeat after me: "Can we just watch the movie instead of bothering with cliffs notes? Or is that frowned upon?") (Note: Sometimes, the professor will release ONLY you from class when you do this. Let me be clear: that is not a good thing. You will probably fail that course because now that professor hates you. Choose your targets wisely.)
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Cafeteria Fewd
*WARNING: Possexlusadvice! - Whitworth only (maybe)*
I am far too lazy to organize this into any sort of sequence so I will just "dump" a bunch of food isms on you and you can "bucket" them (Look, Flanny! I'm using your technique!!).
(My wonderful roommate, Evie, helped me with this because I ran out of ideas after the third bullet point so, if you like her suggestions (it's a combination of she and I after that), comment below so that we can feel special)
- Food service is much worse on the weekends than on the weekdays. There is no obvious reason for this; maybe they think most students will be off-campus all weekend or something, but there are half as many options on the weekend.
- Desserts tend to be weird and/or gross. Apparently, pudding can't just be pudding - it has to be bizarre mutant pudding with soggy nuts in it and random globby things floating around. They get a little too experimenty with desserts.
- If the servers don't know what kind of meat they are serving, do not be served that meat. It might not even be food.
- The soft-serve ice-cream machine isn't really broken, they just forgot to put ice-cream in it again.
- Chinese food is never good.
- If you see a long line for something, go stand in it because that is the best option that day.
- Gravy is evil. Especially chicken gravy (which strongly resembles phlegm). Don't even go there.
- You CAN take a plate from one section and put food on it from another section. You don't actually have to put your waffle in the cereal bowls that are sitting by the waffle irons. That would be loony.
- Since the cooks can take full creative license with your food, their own bodily excretions, and the floor, so can you! Feel free to mix the stations together (extra points if you can get unwarranted dirty looks).
- If anything looks dubious, add ranch.
- Ostriches do not know how to serve food. Don't get in those lines.
- Thank the lunch peoples! They need love too, just like Draco Malfoy in A Very Potter Musical when he writes that sad crayon letter to his daddy.
- Steal food from the lunchroom whenever possible. You have no money for food because they are already charging you the tax of Bulgaria to eat there. Also, it gives you something to look forward to everyday.
- Randomly singing "Happy Birthday" just to see how many people join in is EVIL. Don't be that sadistic child. (Evie thinks this is something that you SHOULD actually do, so I suppose we are divided on that matter)
- Bring your own thermos in and fill it up from the coffee machines there instead of paying for coffee in the "Mind and Hearth" (yes, they are so clever).
- Don't buy things with flex dollars if you can avoid it. It's a huge ripoff.
- Don't steal food that you will not eat just so that you can scientifically document the process of it decaying. Your roommate will throw it away and/or sit on it and then your day will be ruined.
- GOD OF THUNDER!!!!!! (sorry, inside joke, just go with it. I promise it's funny)
- If you eat something funny, be honest about the fact that your colon is now infested with a particularly virulent colony of gas giants (hee hee! punny!). Chances are he/she ate the same thing and is experiencing the same cosmic colon war that you are.
- If you are eating cream of wheat and you spill a huge portion of it in your lap in front of your new crush, own it. Please, just own it. I promise he noticed. Maybe he can help you clean it off ;)
- If you know you need to look good, don't ask for extra sauce.
- Feel free to turn to a random stranger at your table and do a tooth-check. Cafeteria spinach just loves to chemically bond to your fillings.
- Don't put your keys on the conveyor belt with your dirty dishes - they won't come back out the other side when it comes around and you will have to go sheepishly ask the cute cafeteria guy to help you get them back (or maybe you should do exactly that. It might be a really good line...)
- If someone drops a plate, applaud them.
- Anything caffeinated in the cafeteria is a medical-grade diuretic. Abandon hope all ye who drink coffee here.
- On Sunday, they serve breakfast until 2 PM. It's weird. I don't get it either. Just get used to eating breakfast again after choich.
I am far too lazy to organize this into any sort of sequence so I will just "dump" a bunch of food isms on you and you can "bucket" them (Look, Flanny! I'm using your technique!!).
(My wonderful roommate, Evie, helped me with this because I ran out of ideas after the third bullet point so, if you like her suggestions (it's a combination of she and I after that), comment below so that we can feel special)
- Food service is much worse on the weekends than on the weekdays. There is no obvious reason for this; maybe they think most students will be off-campus all weekend or something, but there are half as many options on the weekend.
- Desserts tend to be weird and/or gross. Apparently, pudding can't just be pudding - it has to be bizarre mutant pudding with soggy nuts in it and random globby things floating around. They get a little too experimenty with desserts.
- If the servers don't know what kind of meat they are serving, do not be served that meat. It might not even be food.
- The soft-serve ice-cream machine isn't really broken, they just forgot to put ice-cream in it again.
- Chinese food is never good.
- If you see a long line for something, go stand in it because that is the best option that day.
- Gravy is evil. Especially chicken gravy (which strongly resembles phlegm). Don't even go there.
- You CAN take a plate from one section and put food on it from another section. You don't actually have to put your waffle in the cereal bowls that are sitting by the waffle irons. That would be loony.
- Since the cooks can take full creative license with your food, their own bodily excretions, and the floor, so can you! Feel free to mix the stations together (extra points if you can get unwarranted dirty looks).
- If anything looks dubious, add ranch.
- Ostriches do not know how to serve food. Don't get in those lines.
- Thank the lunch peoples! They need love too, just like Draco Malfoy in A Very Potter Musical when he writes that sad crayon letter to his daddy.
- Steal food from the lunchroom whenever possible. You have no money for food because they are already charging you the tax of Bulgaria to eat there. Also, it gives you something to look forward to everyday.
- Randomly singing "Happy Birthday" just to see how many people join in is EVIL. Don't be that sadistic child. (Evie thinks this is something that you SHOULD actually do, so I suppose we are divided on that matter)
- Bring your own thermos in and fill it up from the coffee machines there instead of paying for coffee in the "Mind and Hearth" (yes, they are so clever).
- Don't buy things with flex dollars if you can avoid it. It's a huge ripoff.
- Don't steal food that you will not eat just so that you can scientifically document the process of it decaying. Your roommate will throw it away and/or sit on it and then your day will be ruined.
- GOD OF THUNDER!!!!!! (sorry, inside joke, just go with it. I promise it's funny)
- If you eat something funny, be honest about the fact that your colon is now infested with a particularly virulent colony of gas giants (hee hee! punny!). Chances are he/she ate the same thing and is experiencing the same cosmic colon war that you are.
- If you are eating cream of wheat and you spill a huge portion of it in your lap in front of your new crush, own it. Please, just own it. I promise he noticed. Maybe he can help you clean it off ;)
- If you know you need to look good, don't ask for extra sauce.
- Feel free to turn to a random stranger at your table and do a tooth-check. Cafeteria spinach just loves to chemically bond to your fillings.
- Don't put your keys on the conveyor belt with your dirty dishes - they won't come back out the other side when it comes around and you will have to go sheepishly ask the cute cafeteria guy to help you get them back (or maybe you should do exactly that. It might be a really good line...)
- If someone drops a plate, applaud them.
- Anything caffeinated in the cafeteria is a medical-grade diuretic. Abandon hope all ye who drink coffee here.
- On Sunday, they serve breakfast until 2 PM. It's weird. I don't get it either. Just get used to eating breakfast again after choich.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
School Specific Advice
I have been trying to keep these posts as neutral as Flanhoffer is a debate but there are a lot of things that I want to write about that may or may not be specific to Whitworth. Obviously, I am not the Great and All Knowing Resource of All Colleges because I've only been to Whitworth so I have no idea how different it is here compared to other schools. So, because I'm awesome and a revolutionary and you can't stop me because it's my blog, I am inventing a term.
Possexclusadvice: N, a warning put at the top of columns stating the content within that particular column MAY apply to only some schools, some types of schools, or only to Whitworth. Ex: The possexclusadvice was very funny even though I couldn't be sure if I would ever need to use it as I am a turd and will not attend Whitworth.
I will have to have a minor scuffle with my spell-checking software so that it recognizes my new term as legit. It is so hard to be a revolutionary...
So, any posts that might contain elements exclusive to Whitworth or a certain kind of school (liberal arts, Faith-based, small, etc) will have the word possexclusadvice at the top, followed by what the advice may possibly be exclusive to. Remember, I'm not doing any research or anything for this blog so I won't know if my advice will actually be exclusive or not, I just don't want to mislead you into thinking that all schools have weekly concerts in the Loop (or some other such awesome Whitworthism).
The natural thing to do here is to simply apply to Whitworth because you can just check a box on your common app and there's no essay or anything and then, when you get an awesome scholarship, you can come to Whitworth and then you will be glad that I wrote columns just for you and you will feel special.
So stay tuned! Tomorrow will be the first possexclusadvice post about cafeteria food :)
Possexclusadvice: N, a warning put at the top of columns stating the content within that particular column MAY apply to only some schools, some types of schools, or only to Whitworth. Ex: The possexclusadvice was very funny even though I couldn't be sure if I would ever need to use it as I am a turd and will not attend Whitworth.
I will have to have a minor scuffle with my spell-checking software so that it recognizes my new term as legit. It is so hard to be a revolutionary...
So, any posts that might contain elements exclusive to Whitworth or a certain kind of school (liberal arts, Faith-based, small, etc) will have the word possexclusadvice at the top, followed by what the advice may possibly be exclusive to. Remember, I'm not doing any research or anything for this blog so I won't know if my advice will actually be exclusive or not, I just don't want to mislead you into thinking that all schools have weekly concerts in the Loop (or some other such awesome Whitworthism).
The natural thing to do here is to simply apply to Whitworth because you can just check a box on your common app and there's no essay or anything and then, when you get an awesome scholarship, you can come to Whitworth and then you will be glad that I wrote columns just for you and you will feel special.
So stay tuned! Tomorrow will be the first possexclusadvice post about cafeteria food :)
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
College Websites
They Suck. They are black holes of Dante-style death designed to suck you in and never let you escape with any sort of meaningful information. Don't even get me started on college brochures and pamphlets (which you should throw away immediately and never read. If something comes in an envelope, check to make sure they aren't offering you money and then bin it too).
Here's the trick to college sites: only the prospective students parts are comprised of propaganda, subliminal messages, and satanic rituals. So don't use those parts. The generic college website will have a row of links at the top of the page that will be something along the lines of "prospective students", "admitted students", "current students", "parents", "alumni", and "give us money". Always click the current students link first. There will be a long side-bar of links to things like undergrad programs, degree requirements, faculty contacts, campus event schedules, sporting events, visiting art galleries, concerts, maps, church events, lectures, Dr. Horrible sightings, and sometimes even pdfs with titles like "The Freshman Experience", or "Coming Soon!!!!!". These are your gold mines.
It should be relatively easy to find out things about campus life, class schedules, faculty, majors, programs, sports, theatre, music, art, money, food, etc. If you can't find something specific, then you can try looking under the prospective students heading but beware that most of the stuff there could easily be compared to Fox News in terms of reliability.
Don't be afraid to email the admissions counselors and things like that - if you ask intelligent questions, they might think that you are actually intelligent and not just too lazy to find the answers on your own.
The counselors should totally just hire me to teach Junior Days because I would be so much more fun and you might actually learn things and get things done. :) Too bad I'm never ever going to spend extended amounts of time in that building ever again...
Happy hunting!
Here's the trick to college sites: only the prospective students parts are comprised of propaganda, subliminal messages, and satanic rituals. So don't use those parts. The generic college website will have a row of links at the top of the page that will be something along the lines of "prospective students", "admitted students", "current students", "parents", "alumni", and "give us money". Always click the current students link first. There will be a long side-bar of links to things like undergrad programs, degree requirements, faculty contacts, campus event schedules, sporting events, visiting art galleries, concerts, maps, church events, lectures, Dr. Horrible sightings, and sometimes even pdfs with titles like "The Freshman Experience", or "Coming Soon!!!!!". These are your gold mines.
It should be relatively easy to find out things about campus life, class schedules, faculty, majors, programs, sports, theatre, music, art, money, food, etc. If you can't find something specific, then you can try looking under the prospective students heading but beware that most of the stuff there could easily be compared to Fox News in terms of reliability.
Don't be afraid to email the admissions counselors and things like that - if you ask intelligent questions, they might think that you are actually intelligent and not just too lazy to find the answers on your own.
The counselors should totally just hire me to teach Junior Days because I would be so much more fun and you might actually learn things and get things done. :) Too bad I'm never ever going to spend extended amounts of time in that building ever again...
Happy hunting!
Monday, September 24, 2012
Applying to Schools
Generally, your application process should look like this:
1: clear all of the ostriches out of the room. They will be of no help at all.
2: Figure out which schools you want to apply to. Don't apply to schools you aren't interested in, and don't apply to schools that you know nothing about (unless you can just check a box on your common app and there is no fee or essay. You can apply to all of those that you want. (Whitworth is one of them)).
3: Fill out the common app. This will give you a good idea of what other apps will be like. Don't worry about following their stupid essay prompts, just check the "other" box and use an essay you have already written.
4: Link all of the schools you are applying to that use the common app to your app. Write the individual essays that they require - these will be stupid and repetitive.
5: Start applying to the schools that don't accept the common app. Write those essays - shockingly, these will also be stupid and repetitive.
6: Pay your fees. (You might have to sell one of your kidneys on the black market. Use Dq. Twitchz - he makes that scars straight instead of jagged).
7: Wait.
This whole process will take you a couple months and will be very annoying. Do it in little pieces or you will die.
Do's:
- Reuse your essays when you can. Schools don't compare notes and a lot of the prompts are similar so you can rework your "Why do you want to go to Willamette?" paragraph to work for the "What attracted you to SPU?" paragraph. Same thing for "Why is faith an important feature of education?" and "What do you look for in a faith-based educational experience?" Really, colleges, just once I want an original essay prompt. If you find a college that asks you to explain in detail the first time you accidentally ate cat poop out of your sand-box, I want to see that app.
- Take breaks. Colleges aren't documenting how long it takes you to fill out your apps. Do one section of one app each night so that you don't chuck your computer out the window after hours and hours of answering the same 52.36 questions over and over again.
- Reward yourself. Every time you finish an app, take a night off and go hang out with friends. Most apps have 5 or 6 parts so see if you can synchronize your progress with a couple other peakers. That way you can cheer each other on.
- Apply to free common apps. If a school sends you a spam letter that says you can apply free with no essay by just clicking a box on your common app, do it. You would be stupid not to because those are the kinds of schools that give really good scholarships and then you can use your full ride to University of Perkins Restaurant to bargain with the school that you really want to attend so they will give you more money.
Don't's:
- Never type the short answer questions directly in the box that they provide. There's no spell-check there. Copy and paste from a word document so that you don't misspell the college's name. Twice.
- Please don't lie. This seems obvious but it is easy to fudge little things like checking the boxes for "Senior" and "Junior" year instead of just "Senior" year when you fill out how long you were president of Thespians. It looks bad when the paperwork that the school sends is different from what you fill out.
- Avoid hitting "submit" until you have triple-checked everything - especially decimal points. It sucks to only realize that you typed your GPA as .39 instead of 3.9 after you hit send.
Good luck!
1: clear all of the ostriches out of the room. They will be of no help at all.
2: Figure out which schools you want to apply to. Don't apply to schools you aren't interested in, and don't apply to schools that you know nothing about (unless you can just check a box on your common app and there is no fee or essay. You can apply to all of those that you want. (Whitworth is one of them)).
3: Fill out the common app. This will give you a good idea of what other apps will be like. Don't worry about following their stupid essay prompts, just check the "other" box and use an essay you have already written.
4: Link all of the schools you are applying to that use the common app to your app. Write the individual essays that they require - these will be stupid and repetitive.
5: Start applying to the schools that don't accept the common app. Write those essays - shockingly, these will also be stupid and repetitive.
6: Pay your fees. (You might have to sell one of your kidneys on the black market. Use Dq. Twitchz - he makes that scars straight instead of jagged).
7: Wait.
This whole process will take you a couple months and will be very annoying. Do it in little pieces or you will die.
Do's:
- Reuse your essays when you can. Schools don't compare notes and a lot of the prompts are similar so you can rework your "Why do you want to go to Willamette?" paragraph to work for the "What attracted you to SPU?" paragraph. Same thing for "Why is faith an important feature of education?" and "What do you look for in a faith-based educational experience?" Really, colleges, just once I want an original essay prompt. If you find a college that asks you to explain in detail the first time you accidentally ate cat poop out of your sand-box, I want to see that app.
- Take breaks. Colleges aren't documenting how long it takes you to fill out your apps. Do one section of one app each night so that you don't chuck your computer out the window after hours and hours of answering the same 52.36 questions over and over again.
- Reward yourself. Every time you finish an app, take a night off and go hang out with friends. Most apps have 5 or 6 parts so see if you can synchronize your progress with a couple other peakers. That way you can cheer each other on.
- Apply to free common apps. If a school sends you a spam letter that says you can apply free with no essay by just clicking a box on your common app, do it. You would be stupid not to because those are the kinds of schools that give really good scholarships and then you can use your full ride to University of Perkins Restaurant to bargain with the school that you really want to attend so they will give you more money.
Don't's:
- Never type the short answer questions directly in the box that they provide. There's no spell-check there. Copy and paste from a word document so that you don't misspell the college's name. Twice.
- Please don't lie. This seems obvious but it is easy to fudge little things like checking the boxes for "Senior" and "Junior" year instead of just "Senior" year when you fill out how long you were president of Thespians. It looks bad when the paperwork that the school sends is different from what you fill out.
- Avoid hitting "submit" until you have triple-checked everything - especially decimal points. It sucks to only realize that you typed your GPA as .39 instead of 3.9 after you hit send.
Good luck!
Sunday, September 23, 2012
College Towns
[Thank Noah for this suggestion for a topic! If you have ideas for topics, comment below and I will do my best] =========C:[ (That's a giraffe, by the way)
Whatever you do, don't isolate yourself on campus and never leave. Either use your own car, befriend someone with a car, steal your roommate's car, or commandeer your lit professor's Jeep which is easy to break in to because it has fabric walls.
Now, having acquired a car, commence exploring. I dare you to find the following lifelines to the outside world:
- A gas station that sells ice cream and slurpees
- The 2 nearest grocery stores (one of which must stock school supplies)
- The nearest Goodwill/thrift store. This will be your new best friend, because guess what? You have no money for clothes anymore. Also you can find awesome dorm decorations there (see my wall of frames that is featured in my dorm tour)
- Some sort of amusement park (miniature golf, skating, go-carts, arcade, something like that)
- At least 4 drive-throughs that are open all night
- Several really good diners or restaurants where you can get really good food for less than $10 a person (because you don't have money for food either)
It is also a good idea to seek out nearby hikes, trails, rivers, streams, brooks, oceans, beaches, mountains, terrorist base camps, and/or scenic overlooks. But not all college towns will have these so I can't really dare you to find them. Not ethically, at least...
Anyway, make sure you take note of which of these things are within walking and biking distance from campus because you will only be able to steal that Jeep once (incidentally, be sure to return it with a full tank of gas. That's just common courtesy).
This way, when you get tired and frazzled from so much studying, and/or sick if college food, and/or need and adventure, and/or feel the call of the wild or some similar carnal urge, you have places to go for relief.
Obviously, this plan is dependent upon you choosing a school that is surrounded by a college town. That's just common sense.
Whatever you do, don't isolate yourself on campus and never leave. Either use your own car, befriend someone with a car, steal your roommate's car, or commandeer your lit professor's Jeep which is easy to break in to because it has fabric walls.
Now, having acquired a car, commence exploring. I dare you to find the following lifelines to the outside world:
- A gas station that sells ice cream and slurpees
- The 2 nearest grocery stores (one of which must stock school supplies)
- The nearest Goodwill/thrift store. This will be your new best friend, because guess what? You have no money for clothes anymore. Also you can find awesome dorm decorations there (see my wall of frames that is featured in my dorm tour)
- Some sort of amusement park (miniature golf, skating, go-carts, arcade, something like that)
- At least 4 drive-throughs that are open all night
- Several really good diners or restaurants where you can get really good food for less than $10 a person (because you don't have money for food either)
It is also a good idea to seek out nearby hikes, trails, rivers, streams, brooks, oceans, beaches, mountains, terrorist base camps, and/or scenic overlooks. But not all college towns will have these so I can't really dare you to find them. Not ethically, at least...
Anyway, make sure you take note of which of these things are within walking and biking distance from campus because you will only be able to steal that Jeep once (incidentally, be sure to return it with a full tank of gas. That's just common courtesy).
This way, when you get tired and frazzled from so much studying, and/or sick if college food, and/or need and adventure, and/or feel the call of the wild or some similar carnal urge, you have places to go for relief.
Obviously, this plan is dependent upon you choosing a school that is surrounded by a college town. That's just common sense.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Laundreeeeee
I'll tell you a secret: doing laundry is not hard. I know, shocker, right? Really, doing laundry is easier than making a mix at Menchie's because every single item of clothing that you own will have a tag that tells you how to wash it. Basically, all you have to do is match up the tags.
I do it like this:
Hot: pajamas, towels, underwear, socks
Warm: t-shirts that won't shrink, pants that aren't jeans, anything that tells you to wash it in warm
Cold: other shirts, jeans, anything that might shrink, anything that tells you to wash it in warm, anything with a stain on it
Delicates: lacy shirts, dresses, anything that says "hand wash", things that seem fragile, wench dresses
Try to separate lights from darks but if you know that all of your stuff has been washed multiple times before, the colors won't actually bleed - that is just a rumor started by laundry companies who want you to do two loads of each temperature and therefore spend twice as many quarters on machines.
I line dry most of my stuff but you can machine dry pretty much anything except delicates. Always machine dry jeans or they get really stiff. NEVER machine dry something with a stain on it that hasn't come out or it never will. Cycle it through again or hand-wash it in the sink to get the stain out before you dry it. Also, don't try to put big hoopoe wings in the dryer because the synthetic feathers on them will catch fire. Just sayin'.
Buy Tide Pods (those little detergent packs that look like candy but are actually poison and will kill children faster than Alec in a daycare center) because then you can just throw three of them in your pocket (except not because they are really really easy to dissolve and then you will have poison detergent all over your fingers) instead of carrying a big jug down to the laundry room. Also get stain spray and dryer sheets.
Line drying in your room sucks because there's nowhere to hang things up. We got one of those tension curtain rods that have "prank war" written all over them and put it up in our window so that we can hang clothes there overnight to dry. It works pretty well but there is always a slight risk of it falling on my head when I get into bed and once I had a hanger-shaped bruise from that. Yeah.
Hang things up as soon as you can after they are dry so that you won't have to iron every single piece of clothing that you own. (duh)
Also, it won't hurt to start doing your own laundry now... seriously, grow up.
I do it like this:
Hot: pajamas, towels, underwear, socks
Warm: t-shirts that won't shrink, pants that aren't jeans, anything that tells you to wash it in warm
Cold: other shirts, jeans, anything that might shrink, anything that tells you to wash it in warm, anything with a stain on it
Delicates: lacy shirts, dresses, anything that says "hand wash", things that seem fragile, wench dresses
Try to separate lights from darks but if you know that all of your stuff has been washed multiple times before, the colors won't actually bleed - that is just a rumor started by laundry companies who want you to do two loads of each temperature and therefore spend twice as many quarters on machines.
I line dry most of my stuff but you can machine dry pretty much anything except delicates. Always machine dry jeans or they get really stiff. NEVER machine dry something with a stain on it that hasn't come out or it never will. Cycle it through again or hand-wash it in the sink to get the stain out before you dry it. Also, don't try to put big hoopoe wings in the dryer because the synthetic feathers on them will catch fire. Just sayin'.
Buy Tide Pods (those little detergent packs that look like candy but are actually poison and will kill children faster than Alec in a daycare center) because then you can just throw three of them in your pocket (except not because they are really really easy to dissolve and then you will have poison detergent all over your fingers) instead of carrying a big jug down to the laundry room. Also get stain spray and dryer sheets.
Line drying in your room sucks because there's nowhere to hang things up. We got one of those tension curtain rods that have "prank war" written all over them and put it up in our window so that we can hang clothes there overnight to dry. It works pretty well but there is always a slight risk of it falling on my head when I get into bed and once I had a hanger-shaped bruise from that. Yeah.
Hang things up as soon as you can after they are dry so that you won't have to iron every single piece of clothing that you own. (duh)
Also, it won't hurt to start doing your own laundry now... seriously, grow up.
Friday, September 21, 2012
The Pressure to Make Friends
Pretty much the number one fear that people have going in to college is "I won't have any friends." That is true. You won't have any friends - at first. Even worse than this fact is people constantly telling you "don't worry!!!! You'll make lots! of friends!!!!!!!!! :) :) :)" I hate those people. They should die in a hole for using too many verbal exclamation points. I can't guarantee that you will make friends (some of you are already lost causes *cough cough, people taking more than one science class at a time*). BUT, there are definitely some things you can do to improve your chances of not being a leper. So here are the steps to making friends in college:
1: Make friends with your roommate. Do this the first day. No matter how much you hate her Zefron poster, get to know her and like her (him) so that you have someone to go to breakfast with in the morning.
2: If your roommate doesn't seem promising as a friend, try your neighbors on either side. It's easy to make up excuses to go talk to them ("I heard your music! So you like Anberlin too?" "Do you know what Professor Looks-like-hugh-grant was talking about when he said this?" "Do you have any good movies" "Question: do you know what a hoopoe is?" etc). They will be very convenient friends but you won't have to actually live with them so there is less opportunity for conflict.
3: Go to dorm activities. This is where you meet the boys (girls). Those are always good to have around.
4: Join the clubs. Go to at least the first couple of meetings of some cool clubs so you can meet people who like the things you like. Hunter: I found someone else to swing dance with. I am so sorry.
5: If all else fails, sit with people who are sitting alone in class/meals. Chances are they are just as desperate and lonely as you so their standards will be low (that's for all of you multiple science classers out there).
If you find yourself without any prospects after three weeks, go out and get some really good food and/or movies and/or games and be obvious about the fact that you have those things. Let people come to you - all college kids can be bribed with food. Even the anorexic ones.
1: Make friends with your roommate. Do this the first day. No matter how much you hate her Zefron poster, get to know her and like her (him) so that you have someone to go to breakfast with in the morning.
2: If your roommate doesn't seem promising as a friend, try your neighbors on either side. It's easy to make up excuses to go talk to them ("I heard your music! So you like Anberlin too?" "Do you know what Professor Looks-like-hugh-grant was talking about when he said this?" "Do you have any good movies" "Question: do you know what a hoopoe is?" etc). They will be very convenient friends but you won't have to actually live with them so there is less opportunity for conflict.
3: Go to dorm activities. This is where you meet the boys (girls). Those are always good to have around.
4: Join the clubs. Go to at least the first couple of meetings of some cool clubs so you can meet people who like the things you like. Hunter: I found someone else to swing dance with. I am so sorry.
5: If all else fails, sit with people who are sitting alone in class/meals. Chances are they are just as desperate and lonely as you so their standards will be low (that's for all of you multiple science classers out there).
If you find yourself without any prospects after three weeks, go out and get some really good food and/or movies and/or games and be obvious about the fact that you have those things. Let people come to you - all college kids can be bribed with food. Even the anorexic ones.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Live and In Person...
Ps: It was really hard to tell where the camera was pointing so bear with me when you can't tell what's going on...
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Bikes On Campus
My bike is indispensable. Mostly because I didn't know that you should look at how far apart your classes are so I would have to run a 8.2 minute mile to get from Lit to Core on time. My bike is my other secret love (wow, I have to stop outing my secret loves).
Pretty much the best thing about having a bike is how inconvenient it is for other people. I can just hear the puny pedestrians' thoughts as they see me coming. They are thinking: "Oh no! Get out of the way!", or "I wish I was going that fast", or "that looks like a lot more fun than what I'm doing", or "Damn, she looks hot!". I laugh inwardly every time one of them steps to the side to let me through. That's right, I am the Queen of this sidewalk because I am going fast on a machiney thing and you are merely a tiny bi-ped in my way.
Maybe I need to drink less coffee.
Pretty much the best thing about having a bike is how inconvenient it is for other people. I can just hear the puny pedestrians' thoughts as they see me coming. They are thinking: "Oh no! Get out of the way!", or "I wish I was going that fast", or "that looks like a lot more fun than what I'm doing", or "Damn, she looks hot!". I laugh inwardly every time one of them steps to the side to let me through. That's right, I am the Queen of this sidewalk because I am going fast on a machiney thing and you are merely a tiny bi-ped in my way.
Maybe I need to drink less coffee.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
When Signing Up For Classes, Consider...
In general, it matters a lot more that the classes you are taking are balanced than that you enjoy each individual class. Much the same way that even block days can suck because you have 4 hard teachers (I had some example teachers listed here, but if I listed hard teachers, then I had to list boring ones and that just seemed way too mean) in a row, or rock because you have all 4 of your study halls on the same day (except you are a Peaker and you would never come to school if you had that).
So, when you sign up for classes, consider these things:
- Spread out your hard courses. (Duh to the power of 234)
- Take courses with reading homework at the same time as courses with example homework. Same thing with written work, and lab work.
- Leave time in the afternoon to feed your ostriches
- NEVER OVERLAP YOUR CLASSES. The registrar is stupid and will let you sign up for a chem class that starts at 2 and a lit class that ends at 2:10 on the same day. Don't do that.
- Where are these classes? Having to super-freaking-speed-walk across campus twice a week because your next class is at PigFarts sucks.
- Get your gen-eds out of the way
- Some classes are only half a semester. Be sure to check the start and end dates or you could walk into a room and be the one person who is not on the roster and then have to walk-of-educational-shame back to your dorm
- Do you have a lunch break? Don't be a turd. Make sure you have a sizable gap to eat lunch in.
- Is that class in the middle of my nap time?
- Popular campus activities. These include: chapel, study groups, clubs, sporting events, rehearsal periods, practices, movie nights, Bible studies, dorm games, and Quidditch.
So there you have it. Apparently, these posts will be either mildly amusing and very informative, or mildly informative and very amusing. You can't have it both ways. I'll try to switch back and forth between the two.
*UPDATE: Reading homework is defined as work that is just reading from a book or a text book. Example homework is the kind of assignment that consists of problems to solve or exercises to do (like in Spanish or math). Written work is written (shocker). Lab work usually requires you to attend a lab period and do supervised experiments of some kind. You want to mix those types of classes together so that you aren't doing 8 hours of reading a day or something like that.*
So, when you sign up for classes, consider these things:
- Spread out your hard courses. (Duh to the power of 234)
- Take courses with reading homework at the same time as courses with example homework. Same thing with written work, and lab work.
- Leave time in the afternoon to feed your ostriches
- NEVER OVERLAP YOUR CLASSES. The registrar is stupid and will let you sign up for a chem class that starts at 2 and a lit class that ends at 2:10 on the same day. Don't do that.
- Where are these classes? Having to super-freaking-speed-walk across campus twice a week because your next class is at PigFarts sucks.
- Get your gen-eds out of the way
- Some classes are only half a semester. Be sure to check the start and end dates or you could walk into a room and be the one person who is not on the roster and then have to walk-of-educational-shame back to your dorm
- Do you have a lunch break? Don't be a turd. Make sure you have a sizable gap to eat lunch in.
- Is that class in the middle of my nap time?
- Popular campus activities. These include: chapel, study groups, clubs, sporting events, rehearsal periods, practices, movie nights, Bible studies, dorm games, and Quidditch.
So there you have it. Apparently, these posts will be either mildly amusing and very informative, or mildly informative and very amusing. You can't have it both ways. I'll try to switch back and forth between the two.
*UPDATE: Reading homework is defined as work that is just reading from a book or a text book. Example homework is the kind of assignment that consists of problems to solve or exercises to do (like in Spanish or math). Written work is written (shocker). Lab work usually requires you to attend a lab period and do supervised experiments of some kind. You want to mix those types of classes together so that you aren't doing 8 hours of reading a day or something like that.*
Monday, September 17, 2012
Taking Notes in Lecture Classes
You go to Peak. I am assuming you know how to take basic notes. You write down key topics and vocab words and anything that is actually written on the powerpoint. Duh.
Don't take cornell notes. They are, literally, Satan.
Unfortunately, this won't cut it for a college lecture class. Most of these classes expect you to memorize pretty much anything you write down or read, so you need to make your notes as user-friendly as possible. To do this, take notes in class as you normally would - print out a lecture outline if one is available and make sure that you get down all of the key points. Then, when you are studying, take sticky notes and turn each heading into a question, and answer it in bullets on the sticky note. Stick it on your page over that key point.
It will look like this:
Notes:
- Haley is awesome
1: she writes an awesome blog
2: she is a hoopoe
- hoopoes are birds that play pranks on people
3: she is currently eating pretzels
Sticky note:
Why is Haley awesome?
- blog
- hoopoe
- pretzels
Obviously, it would be a bit more complex, but you get the idea. To study for a test, memorize all of the stickies and answer the questions in your head in full format like you would on a test (Haley is awesome because she writes an awesome blog about how to survive college called "A Peaker's Survival Guide to College", which has helped me on numerous occasions. Also, she is a hoopoe and therefore likes to play pranks on people which is just really picking funny. Finally, she is eating pretzels which are by far the best snack food, especially when dipped in Nutella.).
"But that's so much work!" You are saying. You are wrong. According to college professors, you should be studying three hours for every hour of class. Each class meets for between 3 and 5 hours a week. Multiply that by five or six classes and you get a lot of work. The notes in themselves are not a lot of work, they are simply awesome (like me).
*Hint: to practice this, take notes on the next church service or discovery channel show that you watch and make stickies for it (I would love to see your notes on "Sharks: demons of the deep")*
Sorry, I couldn't really figure out how to make that post more entertaining but you'll be ok. Anything is better than Faragher.
Don't take cornell notes. They are, literally, Satan.
Unfortunately, this won't cut it for a college lecture class. Most of these classes expect you to memorize pretty much anything you write down or read, so you need to make your notes as user-friendly as possible. To do this, take notes in class as you normally would - print out a lecture outline if one is available and make sure that you get down all of the key points. Then, when you are studying, take sticky notes and turn each heading into a question, and answer it in bullets on the sticky note. Stick it on your page over that key point.
It will look like this:
Notes:
- Haley is awesome
1: she writes an awesome blog
2: she is a hoopoe
- hoopoes are birds that play pranks on people
3: she is currently eating pretzels
Sticky note:
Why is Haley awesome?
- blog
- hoopoe
- pretzels
Obviously, it would be a bit more complex, but you get the idea. To study for a test, memorize all of the stickies and answer the questions in your head in full format like you would on a test (Haley is awesome because she writes an awesome blog about how to survive college called "A Peaker's Survival Guide to College", which has helped me on numerous occasions. Also, she is a hoopoe and therefore likes to play pranks on people which is just really picking funny. Finally, she is eating pretzels which are by far the best snack food, especially when dipped in Nutella.).
"But that's so much work!" You are saying. You are wrong. According to college professors, you should be studying three hours for every hour of class. Each class meets for between 3 and 5 hours a week. Multiply that by five or six classes and you get a lot of work. The notes in themselves are not a lot of work, they are simply awesome (like me).
*Hint: to practice this, take notes on the next church service or discovery channel show that you watch and make stickies for it (I would love to see your notes on "Sharks: demons of the deep")*
Sorry, I couldn't really figure out how to make that post more entertaining but you'll be ok. Anything is better than Faragher.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
10 Things You Should Absolutely Not Get Roped Into Buying
1: Giant wall stickers. These are a blatant lie. No matter how removable they are, you cannot use them on your dorm room walls. People will literally come in the night dressed in ninja suits and take them away to the Island of Forbidden Things.
2: Futons and/or couches. Your floor and storage space will be limited enough without a couch that you will have to place diagonally across the center of the room because it is wider than the floor-plan will permit. You will then break your clavicle climbing over it in the dark to take a shower.
3: Anything over-the-door. Most dorm doors already have hooks in them. Also, dorms tend to be older buildings so the doors actually go all the way up to the top of the jambs. Closing the door will be impossible with over-the-door hooks on it and then people will hate you because you are basically changing in the hall.
4: Storage towers/floor organizers. There really, seriously isn't enough floor space for things like this. Also, they are ugly.
5: Anything heavy that is designed to be hung on the wall. You will be hanging things with tacks and painter's tape. Don't get big, heavy bulletin boards or wall ornaments - they will fall on you and break your already broken face.
6: More than 1 decorative pillow. They will always be on the ground. Then your roommate will hate you and you will almost certainly be murdered by his/her death stares.
7: Tiny little appliances. If you can't fit more than a gallon of milk in your fridge, it is too small. I already discussed small coffee-makers. Also, tiny appliances tend to be inhabited by trolls who will sneak out in the middle of the night and steal your teeth for food.
8: Hanging closet organizers. You won't have enough hanging space anyway. Just put your shoes in a plastic box and put it under your bed with all the rest of the krap you can't fit anywhere else.
9: Analog clocks. The ticking will kill you.
10: Bed risers. These are plastic lifts that you put under the legs of your bed to give you more storage space underneath. You can buy these but wait until you get to school because you have to buy the right shape for the frame of your bed. I had to jury-rig mine and now I live in constant fear of sudden, violent death by collapsing bed frame.
2: Futons and/or couches. Your floor and storage space will be limited enough without a couch that you will have to place diagonally across the center of the room because it is wider than the floor-plan will permit. You will then break your clavicle climbing over it in the dark to take a shower.
3: Anything over-the-door. Most dorm doors already have hooks in them. Also, dorms tend to be older buildings so the doors actually go all the way up to the top of the jambs. Closing the door will be impossible with over-the-door hooks on it and then people will hate you because you are basically changing in the hall.
4: Storage towers/floor organizers. There really, seriously isn't enough floor space for things like this. Also, they are ugly.
5: Anything heavy that is designed to be hung on the wall. You will be hanging things with tacks and painter's tape. Don't get big, heavy bulletin boards or wall ornaments - they will fall on you and break your already broken face.
6: More than 1 decorative pillow. They will always be on the ground. Then your roommate will hate you and you will almost certainly be murdered by his/her death stares.
7: Tiny little appliances. If you can't fit more than a gallon of milk in your fridge, it is too small. I already discussed small coffee-makers. Also, tiny appliances tend to be inhabited by trolls who will sneak out in the middle of the night and steal your teeth for food.
8: Hanging closet organizers. You won't have enough hanging space anyway. Just put your shoes in a plastic box and put it under your bed with all the rest of the krap you can't fit anywhere else.
9: Analog clocks. The ticking will kill you.
10: Bed risers. These are plastic lifts that you put under the legs of your bed to give you more storage space underneath. You can buy these but wait until you get to school because you have to buy the right shape for the frame of your bed. I had to jury-rig mine and now I live in constant fear of sudden, violent death by collapsing bed frame.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
10 Things you absolutely must have for your dorm
1: a mini-fridge and microwave. Speak at your roommate about this so one of you can get the fridge and the other can get the microwave. That way you don't split the cost and end up having to draw up divorce-like legal documents to decide who gets custody of the fridge at the end of the year.
2: Posters. Just start buying cheap posters now because white walls will sear your brain and make it even HARDER than it already is to study chemical engineering by flashlight at three in the morning.
3: A comforter you love. Don't get anything white and don't get anything that you don't like because your bed is the only part of your room that is absolutely yours. You want it to look like the way you want to be perceived.
4: Power-strips. Plural. There are 8 outlets in my dorm room. That give me four outlets for my computer, coffee maker, microwave, alarm clock, ihome, desk lamp, phone charger, guitar amp, and curling iron. I have four power-strips and they are my secret loves. ...well, they were secret until I blogged about them...
5: A coffee maker. I do not care if you don't like coffee. Suck it up. Coffee is the only way to get up at 6 every morning and go to bed at midnight or later every night. I have a four cup coffee maker and it is not enough. Get a full-sized one so you don't have to brew it 7.23 times each day. (incidentally, coffee manufacturers hate people and they made it so that a "four cup" coffee maker does not make four mugfuls (or "cups", if you will) of coffee; it makes four MEASURING cups of coffee, which is about a mug and a half.)
6: Music. Bring a really good ihome or speakers or a TV or an x-box or something. Better yet, bring several of those things. You will go stir-crazy without constant (and preferably portable) music. Going stir-crazy is the last thing you want to do because that is where the Freshman Fstress your Fass off comes in.
7: A little whiteboard. Hang this outside of your door and feel the love whenever you come home and see that someone you don't know has written "Hayley, ur room is my big pasta" on it for the third time. You may also feel creeped out, but at least you'll know that someone kind of knows your name.
8: A rug. Most dorms have tiled floors. They suck. They spread cancer. I think mine has rabies. You will basically be playing one big, never ending game of "lava floor" where if you step on an un-carpeted area, you die. Get a big rug and get good at jumping that 4.6 foot gap from the edge of the rug to the door.
9: Dishes and silverware. You won't be at all inclined to do dishes. Ever. So have like four mugs and a couple of plates and bowls and things. They don't have to match but they should all be microwaveable or your room will smell like burnt plastic because you tried to make "chocolate cake in a mug" with a bowl that melted and now that smell has permeated your room and absolutely won't come out ever unless you call in the ghost busters to suck it into another dimension, and let's face it, you're a college student and the ghost busters are expensive.
10: A house-elf. You will never clean unless your mom comes to visit. Invest in a good, Winky-style house-elf for your own sanity. Otherwise you will catch rabies from your floor.
2: Posters. Just start buying cheap posters now because white walls will sear your brain and make it even HARDER than it already is to study chemical engineering by flashlight at three in the morning.
3: A comforter you love. Don't get anything white and don't get anything that you don't like because your bed is the only part of your room that is absolutely yours. You want it to look like the way you want to be perceived.
4: Power-strips. Plural. There are 8 outlets in my dorm room. That give me four outlets for my computer, coffee maker, microwave, alarm clock, ihome, desk lamp, phone charger, guitar amp, and curling iron. I have four power-strips and they are my secret loves. ...well, they were secret until I blogged about them...
5: A coffee maker. I do not care if you don't like coffee. Suck it up. Coffee is the only way to get up at 6 every morning and go to bed at midnight or later every night. I have a four cup coffee maker and it is not enough. Get a full-sized one so you don't have to brew it 7.23 times each day. (incidentally, coffee manufacturers hate people and they made it so that a "four cup" coffee maker does not make four mugfuls (or "cups", if you will) of coffee; it makes four MEASURING cups of coffee, which is about a mug and a half.)
6: Music. Bring a really good ihome or speakers or a TV or an x-box or something. Better yet, bring several of those things. You will go stir-crazy without constant (and preferably portable) music. Going stir-crazy is the last thing you want to do because that is where the Freshman Fstress your Fass off comes in.
7: A little whiteboard. Hang this outside of your door and feel the love whenever you come home and see that someone you don't know has written "Hayley, ur room is my big pasta" on it for the third time. You may also feel creeped out, but at least you'll know that someone kind of knows your name.
8: A rug. Most dorms have tiled floors. They suck. They spread cancer. I think mine has rabies. You will basically be playing one big, never ending game of "lava floor" where if you step on an un-carpeted area, you die. Get a big rug and get good at jumping that 4.6 foot gap from the edge of the rug to the door.
9: Dishes and silverware. You won't be at all inclined to do dishes. Ever. So have like four mugs and a couple of plates and bowls and things. They don't have to match but they should all be microwaveable or your room will smell like burnt plastic because you tried to make "chocolate cake in a mug" with a bowl that melted and now that smell has permeated your room and absolutely won't come out ever unless you call in the ghost busters to suck it into another dimension, and let's face it, you're a college student and the ghost busters are expensive.
10: A house-elf. You will never clean unless your mom comes to visit. Invest in a good, Winky-style house-elf for your own sanity. Otherwise you will catch rabies from your floor.
Friday, September 14, 2012
The Great 8:00 Controversy
There are four types of classes you can take in college. If you thought "Oh, math, science, history, and lit" then you are WRONG! Stop being so Peak-ey or I will smite you.
Type 1: The 8:00 class (which begins in the morning at an unspecified time)
Type 2: The morning class (which is assumed to begin after the 8:00 class would end)
Type 3: The afternoon class (which is assumed to begin after lunch (or "noon", if you will))
Type 4: The night class (which is assumed to begin after dinner, when you would much rather be playing Extreme Pong with tennis rackets, a beach ball, and a ping pong table)
When signing up for classes, most people avoid 8:00 classes like the plague. They are early. They are scary. They are always hard. Take them, take them anyway.
Having an 8:00 class makes you 9,872% more productive (and gives you 236% more time to watch Psych and Dr. Who after class). When you get up, go to class, go to another class, go to a third class, have lunch, and get back to your dorm by noon, you have about 4 hours in which to do whatever you want before everyone who didn't get up until 11:25 gets back from class. You are then free to take those 4 hours and either do all of your homework so that you can bug people later when they are working, or watch TV and goof off without anyone knowing that you haven't done squat all afternoon.
My suggestion is try and get your schedule to look something like this:
-Monday, Wednesday, and Friday: class at 8, 9, and 10:30, go back to the dorm and goof off until 5 minutes before your roommate will be back, then surround yourself with books and make it look like you have been studying for hours, then actually study for a few hours (and watch everyone be jealous of how committed you are), then be social until bed.
-Tuesday and Thursday: give yourself a break: class at 10, and 11:45, get lunch and then go back to the dorm and do homework in the common room where there are plenty of things to distract you from your homework so that you don't actually have to do anything. Possible distractions include: cute guys, people coloring (actually this is always happening here, not sure why), indoor Frisbee tournaments, playing music, TV, your friends, people with more interesting homework than you have, and people with questions that you can easily answer because you went to Peak.
As far as morning, afternoon, and night classes go:
Morning classes are good. Afternoon classes are evil because they are after lunch and all you want to do is nap and/or play video games. Night classes are the actual, literal cause of the zombie apocalypse - we all know that the humans have more fun than the zombies in those games so don't take them.
Type 1: The 8:00 class (which begins in the morning at an unspecified time)
Type 2: The morning class (which is assumed to begin after the 8:00 class would end)
Type 3: The afternoon class (which is assumed to begin after lunch (or "noon", if you will))
Type 4: The night class (which is assumed to begin after dinner, when you would much rather be playing Extreme Pong with tennis rackets, a beach ball, and a ping pong table)
When signing up for classes, most people avoid 8:00 classes like the plague. They are early. They are scary. They are always hard. Take them, take them anyway.
Having an 8:00 class makes you 9,872% more productive (and gives you 236% more time to watch Psych and Dr. Who after class). When you get up, go to class, go to another class, go to a third class, have lunch, and get back to your dorm by noon, you have about 4 hours in which to do whatever you want before everyone who didn't get up until 11:25 gets back from class. You are then free to take those 4 hours and either do all of your homework so that you can bug people later when they are working, or watch TV and goof off without anyone knowing that you haven't done squat all afternoon.
My suggestion is try and get your schedule to look something like this:
-Monday, Wednesday, and Friday: class at 8, 9, and 10:30, go back to the dorm and goof off until 5 minutes before your roommate will be back, then surround yourself with books and make it look like you have been studying for hours, then actually study for a few hours (and watch everyone be jealous of how committed you are), then be social until bed.
-Tuesday and Thursday: give yourself a break: class at 10, and 11:45, get lunch and then go back to the dorm and do homework in the common room where there are plenty of things to distract you from your homework so that you don't actually have to do anything. Possible distractions include: cute guys, people coloring (actually this is always happening here, not sure why), indoor Frisbee tournaments, playing music, TV, your friends, people with more interesting homework than you have, and people with questions that you can easily answer because you went to Peak.
As far as morning, afternoon, and night classes go:
Morning classes are good. Afternoon classes are evil because they are after lunch and all you want to do is nap and/or play video games. Night classes are the actual, literal cause of the zombie apocalypse - we all know that the humans have more fun than the zombies in those games so don't take them.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Communal Bathrooms. Kill Me Now.
If you have ever been curious about what it would be like to live in a dorm, do this:
1 - move all of your things into your closet
2 - make sure you only take up half of your closet because someone else will be living in there too
3 - drive down to the local rec center whenever you have to shower or go to the bathroom
Ok, it's not that bad - I actually like living in a dorm. But, there are still certain things that you definitely must have to survive the communal bathroom experience or you will be eaten alive by the terrier-sized tangle of hair that accumulates in the shower drains. (no, really)
Things you must have include, but are not limited to:
- A bathrobe. Walking around in just a towel is never safe (especially because most dorms are co-ed and the boys love to walk down our hall in the mornings to "get coffee"). Also, you have to change in that tiny little air-lock space between the shower and the outside world, with that sadistic curtain that is two inches narrower than the door-hole, and the ground all wet and slimy from people's sadistic feet creeping. You can't change in there. It is much easier to just hang up your robe and towel. That way, you don't have to drag your pajama legs through the snail-creep-goo on the ground.
- Retractable cords. When you have to carry around your hairdryer and curling iron and stuff all the time (boys, I'm talking to you), retractable cords become your new sex slaves. I mean not! Because that was really creepy! Sorry, anyway, retractable cords are great. Yeah.
- Shower shoes. Just start getting used to showering in shoes now or you will have other people's hair trying to start a parasitic relationship with your feet and then your feet will rebel and you won't have any feet. Or something like that.
- Small bottles. Mouthwash comes in, like, gallon sized bottles. I don't want to carry that around all the time! So buy the big mouthwashes and the hugenormous bottles of shampoo and stuff, and then buy little bottles (bigger than travel-sized, just something that will fit into your shower-caddy). When the little ones run out, re-fill them from the big ones. That way, your arm doesn't break from carrying around economy sized shampoos, and your pajamas don't get big, green mouthwash stains on them from juggling leaky bottles (don't ask).
- A shower caddy. Don't get a fabric one, they get all moldy, just get something plastic that will fit all of your junk and then write your name (or really any name that no one else in your hall has) on it so you don't lose it in the big pile of pink plastic organizers from Wal-mart.
There you go. Follow those steps and the drain-hair monsters will be so mesmerized by your resourcefulness and BAness that they will leave you in peace and not try to suction-cup themselves to your face when you close your eyes to rinse. (Hah! Take that image and suck on it, creepy meth commercial with the girl in the shower!)
1 - move all of your things into your closet
2 - make sure you only take up half of your closet because someone else will be living in there too
3 - drive down to the local rec center whenever you have to shower or go to the bathroom
Ok, it's not that bad - I actually like living in a dorm. But, there are still certain things that you definitely must have to survive the communal bathroom experience or you will be eaten alive by the terrier-sized tangle of hair that accumulates in the shower drains. (no, really)
Things you must have include, but are not limited to:
- A bathrobe. Walking around in just a towel is never safe (especially because most dorms are co-ed and the boys love to walk down our hall in the mornings to "get coffee"). Also, you have to change in that tiny little air-lock space between the shower and the outside world, with that sadistic curtain that is two inches narrower than the door-hole, and the ground all wet and slimy from people's sadistic feet creeping. You can't change in there. It is much easier to just hang up your robe and towel. That way, you don't have to drag your pajama legs through the snail-creep-goo on the ground.
- Retractable cords. When you have to carry around your hairdryer and curling iron and stuff all the time (boys, I'm talking to you), retractable cords become your new sex slaves. I mean not! Because that was really creepy! Sorry, anyway, retractable cords are great. Yeah.
- Shower shoes. Just start getting used to showering in shoes now or you will have other people's hair trying to start a parasitic relationship with your feet and then your feet will rebel and you won't have any feet. Or something like that.
- Small bottles. Mouthwash comes in, like, gallon sized bottles. I don't want to carry that around all the time! So buy the big mouthwashes and the hugenormous bottles of shampoo and stuff, and then buy little bottles (bigger than travel-sized, just something that will fit into your shower-caddy). When the little ones run out, re-fill them from the big ones. That way, your arm doesn't break from carrying around economy sized shampoos, and your pajamas don't get big, green mouthwash stains on them from juggling leaky bottles (don't ask).
- A shower caddy. Don't get a fabric one, they get all moldy, just get something plastic that will fit all of your junk and then write your name (or really any name that no one else in your hall has) on it so you don't lose it in the big pile of pink plastic organizers from Wal-mart.
There you go. Follow those steps and the drain-hair monsters will be so mesmerized by your resourcefulness and BAness that they will leave you in peace and not try to suction-cup themselves to your face when you close your eyes to rinse. (Hah! Take that image and suck on it, creepy meth commercial with the girl in the shower!)
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Freshman 15: The Truth
Freshman 15 is a myth. The actual danger is Freshman Fstress Out Your Fass, but that doesn't sound as good.
Yes, there is a buffet every day in the dining hall but it is very inconvenient to get up, wait in line, get your second plate, and then scarf it down while everyone else is leaving. I have yet to get or desire to get seconds. No one wants to walk around feeling like they will explode because they ate 3 helpings of "'Philly' Style Steak Sandwiches", so they just don't eat 3 of them.
Also, people fail to take into account that college campuses are huge and your classes are all spread apart and you have to WALK in order to get food. It's like lunch but with exercise built in! I did the math and I have been walking about 4 miles a day just to and from classes outside, not in buildings or anything. You get a lot of exercise.
The True source of Freshman 15 is stress. You will be stressed. Get over it, you go to Peak, you know how to be stressed out.
So, to stay thin and healthy in college:
1 - don't get seconds
2 - Walk your fass off
3 - actually sleep sometimes
4 - plan out your studying so you can actually sleep sometimes
And 5 - drink EmergenC or something because dorm rooms are incubi of viral plague
Yes, there is a buffet every day in the dining hall but it is very inconvenient to get up, wait in line, get your second plate, and then scarf it down while everyone else is leaving. I have yet to get or desire to get seconds. No one wants to walk around feeling like they will explode because they ate 3 helpings of "'Philly' Style Steak Sandwiches", so they just don't eat 3 of them.
Also, people fail to take into account that college campuses are huge and your classes are all spread apart and you have to WALK in order to get food. It's like lunch but with exercise built in! I did the math and I have been walking about 4 miles a day just to and from classes outside, not in buildings or anything. You get a lot of exercise.
The True source of Freshman 15 is stress. You will be stressed. Get over it, you go to Peak, you know how to be stressed out.
So, to stay thin and healthy in college:
1 - don't get seconds
2 - Walk your fass off
3 - actually sleep sometimes
4 - plan out your studying so you can actually sleep sometimes
And 5 - drink EmergenC or something because dorm rooms are incubi of viral plague
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
The Sacred Art of Keeping Your Door Open
There is a phenomena that occurs in college that I had never experienced before. Amid these long corridors with their bright decorations and kitschy little name plates, there lie the Open Doors.
Imagine: you are new to college. You are somewhat creeped out by your roommate and you don't know anyone except her. You could wallow in a cupboard full of books and never speak to anyone except your pencil. Or. You could open your door.
People are always walking up and down the halls and no one wants to do anything alone so, if you keep your door open, there will often be people popping in asking you if you want to get lunch or walk to class or help them study Spanish because everyone knows you are boss at Spanish and are in awe of your plethora of skillz. That way, you actually meet people with limited social awkwardness.
The rules of the Open Door:
1 - close your door when you are asleep, changing, wearing headphones, changing, playing loud music, changing, or taking a picture of your elbow so that it looks like a butt. Seriously. No one wants to hear/see/interrupt that.
2 - reciprocate the visits. Go see other people, get them to go to lunch with you, or ask if you can study with them. People will think you secretly hate them if you never come over.
3 - if you happen to secretly hate someone (because she was studying in your room and you turned around and saw her eating a gummy shark out of your secret stash of gummy sharks), don't lead them on. Just stop reciprocating and they will forget about you and your secret stash of gummy sharks.
4 - Don't over do it. Some people like to be alone. Don't be that person that is constantly wandering the halls looking for someone to steal food from. Those people get their mattresses stolen.
Meeting people is priority numero uno for the first month so have as many conversations as possible. But remember: everyone has the same conversation eight million times ("What's your name?" "Where are you from?" "What are you majoring in?" "Do you mind if I stab myself in the face now?"), so come up with some awesome new questions to pop into people's door ways with.
"If you were a carpet, would you be friends with the rugs or would they be a different species?"
"When I saw the word 'chupacabra' do you think of CSI Miami or the Discovery Channel?"
"Would you be opposed to helping me short-sheet my roommate?"
If you ask questions like that, people will remember you. They may not like you, they may keep their doors closed after that, but they WILL remember you.
Imagine: you are new to college. You are somewhat creeped out by your roommate and you don't know anyone except her. You could wallow in a cupboard full of books and never speak to anyone except your pencil. Or. You could open your door.
People are always walking up and down the halls and no one wants to do anything alone so, if you keep your door open, there will often be people popping in asking you if you want to get lunch or walk to class or help them study Spanish because everyone knows you are boss at Spanish and are in awe of your plethora of skillz. That way, you actually meet people with limited social awkwardness.
The rules of the Open Door:
1 - close your door when you are asleep, changing, wearing headphones, changing, playing loud music, changing, or taking a picture of your elbow so that it looks like a butt. Seriously. No one wants to hear/see/interrupt that.
2 - reciprocate the visits. Go see other people, get them to go to lunch with you, or ask if you can study with them. People will think you secretly hate them if you never come over.
3 - if you happen to secretly hate someone (because she was studying in your room and you turned around and saw her eating a gummy shark out of your secret stash of gummy sharks), don't lead them on. Just stop reciprocating and they will forget about you and your secret stash of gummy sharks.
4 - Don't over do it. Some people like to be alone. Don't be that person that is constantly wandering the halls looking for someone to steal food from. Those people get their mattresses stolen.
Meeting people is priority numero uno for the first month so have as many conversations as possible. But remember: everyone has the same conversation eight million times ("What's your name?" "Where are you from?" "What are you majoring in?" "Do you mind if I stab myself in the face now?"), so come up with some awesome new questions to pop into people's door ways with.
"If you were a carpet, would you be friends with the rugs or would they be a different species?"
"When I saw the word 'chupacabra' do you think of CSI Miami or the Discovery Channel?"
"Would you be opposed to helping me short-sheet my roommate?"
If you ask questions like that, people will remember you. They may not like you, they may keep their doors closed after that, but they WILL remember you.
Hello World
I have been at college for 2 weeks now and every day I encounter things that I have no clue how to handle but that have very simple solutions (ex: how in the world am I supposed to get all of this krap into my dorm room? Answer: shove it under your bed). So, I have decided to take you all on a little adventure through my college career and maybe save you some headaches when you get here.
I don't know how many of you have read my writing before but... it will be sarcastic, it will be punny, it will be emotionally scarring. I hope you are all ready.
PS: I don't have an incredible amount of time so, if you think this is cool and will read (some of) what I post, tell me and I will keep posting. If I get no response, I won't waste my time and you can all figure it out the old-fashioned way. By falling in holes. (there's a story there)
I don't know how many of you have read my writing before but... it will be sarcastic, it will be punny, it will be emotionally scarring. I hope you are all ready.
PS: I don't have an incredible amount of time so, if you think this is cool and will read (some of) what I post, tell me and I will keep posting. If I get no response, I won't waste my time and you can all figure it out the old-fashioned way. By falling in holes. (there's a story there)
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