Ok, it is January 11th which means that people are starting to give up on their New Year's diets. Now, I WILL MAKE IT WORSE! Oh no, if you haven't already started eating brownies again, start now because there is a recipe in this post! (or two...)
Suffer, puny humans!
Haley's Epic Cheesecake Brownies:
Ingredients: 1 store-bought brownie mix (hah, you thought I was going to make these from scratch!), 1 8 oz package of cream cheese, 1 egg, 1/3 cup powdered sugar (sometimes I make twice as much cream cheese stuff as this and then bake the brownies for a few extra minutes)
Directions: Make the brownie batter as directed on the box (duh). Beat the egg, cream cheese, and sugar together until your mouth waters into the bowl (this is ok, just don't tell anyone that it happened). Pour the brownie mix into a 9x13 pan and then swirl the cream cheese mixture on top of it. For extra fun, subtly write a bad word with your swirls and see if anyone notices. Bake according to the brownie box.
Variation: try using half Nutella half cream cheese (you might have to add some water to get it to the right consistency). Also, feel free to add 1 cup chocolate chips to the brownie batter. For festive brownies, put some food coloring in the cream cheese (don't use yellow or they will look like diarrhea pats).
Good luck avoiding the temptation to make this for a friday snack.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Thursday, January 10, 2013
3 Hour Classes?!
In Jan Term, your classes are three hours long (but you only have one). Sitting in one class for three hours might not seem any different from sitting in three classes each for an hour but it definitely is. You will not do well if you are not prepared - you will be covering about a week's worth of material every day so it is really important to be active and focused for the whole class and not peter out after the first hour.
I would suggest having a mug of coffee or tea with you and having an apple or something to eat during the break (which should happen roughly half-way through the class but some teachers just plow through the whole thing (fools)). Also, make sure that you have all of your homework and have done all of the reading (which shouldn't be a problem because you are Peakers). Think long and hard about whether it is worth it to skip before you miss a class (the make-up assignments take hours (how dare those teachers presume that we wouldn't have caught up on our own). (It might also be a good idea to check your Writer's Handbook (!) to see how often it is appropriate to use parenthetical commentaries in a paragraph before it becomes annoying (I always forget that rule (but that might be because I never read the Writer's Handbook (unlike all of you good Peakers who haven't been sarcastified yet (are there any of you left?)))).
Anyway, you should start exercising your sitting-in-one-place-for-a-long-time muscles now so that you are ready for Jan Term next year. Maybe you could watch TV for hours at a time... If your mom yells at you, just tell her that I recommended it and I have a 4.0 at a highly regarded university.
I would suggest having a mug of coffee or tea with you and having an apple or something to eat during the break (which should happen roughly half-way through the class but some teachers just plow through the whole thing (fools)). Also, make sure that you have all of your homework and have done all of the reading (which shouldn't be a problem because you are Peakers). Think long and hard about whether it is worth it to skip before you miss a class (the make-up assignments take hours (how dare those teachers presume that we wouldn't have caught up on our own). (It might also be a good idea to check your Writer's Handbook (!) to see how often it is appropriate to use parenthetical commentaries in a paragraph before it becomes annoying (I always forget that rule (but that might be because I never read the Writer's Handbook (unlike all of you good Peakers who haven't been sarcastified yet (are there any of you left?)))).
Anyway, you should start exercising your sitting-in-one-place-for-a-long-time muscles now so that you are ready for Jan Term next year. Maybe you could watch TV for hours at a time... If your mom yells at you, just tell her that I recommended it and I have a 4.0 at a highly regarded university.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Ah Snap, this Post is in Spanish!
Jaja los que no pueden leer en Español van a perder la experiencia de mi cueto original en Español. Tontos.
Hace mucho tiempo, un avestruz fue adoptado por unos monos morados. Ellos no tuvieron niños y el avestruz no tuvo padres entonces el acuerdo era perfecto por todos. El único problema era que habían unos libros que anduvieron hasta los monos y los dijeron que los avestruces no puedan subir los árboles. - Jadeo! - dijeron los monos - que haremos si nuestra avestruz no puede subir los árboles? - Entonces ellos corrieron al avestruz y lo preguntaron si él pudo subir los árboles. - Monos tontos! - dijo el avestruz - Claro no necesito subir los árboles, todos los avestruces puedan volar! - Y él voló hasta la cofa del árbol y sonrió. Los libros estaban enfadados u gritaron al avestruz que los avestruces no puedan volar tampoco Eso hubiera sido el fin de la termina feliz por el avestruz y su familia de monos morados, pero, afortunadamente ellos repentinamente se pusieron sordos. Por eso, nadie pudiera oír las gritas de los libros. Vencidos, los libros devolvieron a la biblioteca y el avestruz y los monos morados vivieron felices en su árbol por siempre. Fin.
Ahora tu vida es mejor (aunque no hablas Español. En ese caso, eres triste).
Hace mucho tiempo, un avestruz fue adoptado por unos monos morados. Ellos no tuvieron niños y el avestruz no tuvo padres entonces el acuerdo era perfecto por todos. El único problema era que habían unos libros que anduvieron hasta los monos y los dijeron que los avestruces no puedan subir los árboles. - Jadeo! - dijeron los monos - que haremos si nuestra avestruz no puede subir los árboles? - Entonces ellos corrieron al avestruz y lo preguntaron si él pudo subir los árboles. - Monos tontos! - dijo el avestruz - Claro no necesito subir los árboles, todos los avestruces puedan volar! - Y él voló hasta la cofa del árbol y sonrió. Los libros estaban enfadados u gritaron al avestruz que los avestruces no puedan volar tampoco Eso hubiera sido el fin de la termina feliz por el avestruz y su familia de monos morados, pero, afortunadamente ellos repentinamente se pusieron sordos. Por eso, nadie pudiera oír las gritas de los libros. Vencidos, los libros devolvieron a la biblioteca y el avestruz y los monos morados vivieron felices en su árbol por siempre. Fin.
Ahora tu vida es mejor (aunque no hablas Español. En ese caso, eres triste).
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
People Are Making Resolutions
Oh New Year's resolutions, I hate you. You make everyone suddenly decide to go to the gym instead of building snowmen for exercise. Suddenly, once you hit everyone, my roommate stops accepting that you can burn calories by grape-vine racing to the cafeteria and starts insisting that we actually go to the gym to work out. Like adults. Scoff. I am the Peter Pan of college students - I refuse to grow up because it is much more fun to have a contest to see who can eat the most carrot sticks in 49.63 seconds than to portion them out because we are suddenly trying to be healthy. No, New Year's resolutions, I do not like you. You are never fun. Why can't you ever be something awesome like "I resolve to start a band and learn one new song a week which I will then loudly play in the library just to see what happens"? Come on, that would be awesome! But no, everyone has to use you to lose weight or become better people and krap like that. Who would ever want to become a better person when you could stop being a person all together and just be a Hoopoe instead? So, New Year's resolutions, I refuse to make you. Ha! Suck on that! I will spend this year continuing to be exactly who I am without any delusional ideas that I might somehow improve my standing in life by making some kind of primitive agreement with myself that I know I will never keep. Sheesh, New Year's resolutions, don't you know your whole system is flawed?
Monday, January 7, 2013
Jan Term
Jan Term is a growing trend among liberal arts schools who are looking to give you a multi-faceted educational experience (or some krap like that). The concept is basically that you have three terms: Fall semester where you take 14-16 credits, Jan term where you take 3-5 credits, and Spring semester which is the same as fall semester. This means that in Jan Term, you take one class but you have it every day for several hours - that way you cover a week's worth of material every day and finish the class in three weeks.
There are several uses to which you can put Jan Term:
1) Take a class you hate. Get rid of that irksome math credit in three weeks. You will want to die for three weeks, but then you will be done and won't ever have to worry about that subject that you hate again.
2) Take a class you love. Decide to have an awesome month and take that art class that you have been dying to take. Just focus on that for a month so that you can unwind and de-stress for Spring semester,
3) Take a special class. Travel abroad for a few weeks, or be bussed up to the mountains to snowboard for PE credit every day. Whatever it is, you can take classes that the traditional semester system wouldn't easily facilitate.
4) Test out your major. Take some kind of class that focuses intensely on some aspect of your major - if you enjoy studying that subject every day for three hours and get a lot out of it, then you picked a good major. If you discover that you hate spending three hours a day discussing feminist issues, then maybe gender studies isn't a good major for you. (Hint: gender studies isn't a good major for anyone)
I am using my Jan Term for the fourth reason. I'm taking an oral intensive Spanish class that involves three hours a day of conversations in Spanish, so that I can see if I really want to major in Spanish. I know some of you just shuddered but don't stomp on my dreams! I think this is the best use of your freshman Jan Term - every college student's worst nightmare is to suddenly discover that you hate your major at the end of your junior year. Don't go there - Jan Term to the rescue!
There are several uses to which you can put Jan Term:
1) Take a class you hate. Get rid of that irksome math credit in three weeks. You will want to die for three weeks, but then you will be done and won't ever have to worry about that subject that you hate again.
2) Take a class you love. Decide to have an awesome month and take that art class that you have been dying to take. Just focus on that for a month so that you can unwind and de-stress for Spring semester,
3) Take a special class. Travel abroad for a few weeks, or be bussed up to the mountains to snowboard for PE credit every day. Whatever it is, you can take classes that the traditional semester system wouldn't easily facilitate.
4) Test out your major. Take some kind of class that focuses intensely on some aspect of your major - if you enjoy studying that subject every day for three hours and get a lot out of it, then you picked a good major. If you discover that you hate spending three hours a day discussing feminist issues, then maybe gender studies isn't a good major for you. (Hint: gender studies isn't a good major for anyone)
I am using my Jan Term for the fourth reason. I'm taking an oral intensive Spanish class that involves three hours a day of conversations in Spanish, so that I can see if I really want to major in Spanish. I know some of you just shuddered but don't stomp on my dreams! I think this is the best use of your freshman Jan Term - every college student's worst nightmare is to suddenly discover that you hate your major at the end of your junior year. Don't go there - Jan Term to the rescue!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Ordering Books
If you are a science or math major, budget $200 a class for textbooks. At least.
Otherwise, the best thing to do is get your books from people on campus who bought them used, took care of them, and want to break even. You don't have to deal with shipping that way and you can look at the book before you buy it (and possibly smell it to make sure that that brown stain actually is soda). When this isn't possible, amazon is the best place to go. If your textbook comes with a CD, you really do have to buy it new because the used ones almost never have working CDs with them and then you are screwed. Buy them all together so that you can save on shipping.
If you have never ordered things from Amazon before, you want to look for the best condition at the lowest price with the highest customer satisfaction rating. Do your best to only compromise on one of these things. "Like New", "Excellent", "Very Good", and "Good" are the only condition ratings that you should accept; never buy from anyone whose rating is less than 90%. Keep an eye on the shipping charges because sometimes it is cheaper to get things new with free shipping than to buy them used plus four bucks for postage.
If the difference between used and new is less than ten dollars, just buy it new. You'll be able to get more when you sell it back and you won't have to worry about your book randomly being defective (I had one that had one of those plastic spirals for a spine and some loony had taken the spiral out, rearranged the pages, and put it back together - please people, don't be sadists for crying out loud!)
Sometimes books seem way more expensive than they should be on amazon. When this happens, go look at textbook trading sites to see if the price is in the right ballpark.
Very occasionally, amazon will make your day by randomly having books for less than a dollar in excellent condition. If you are feeling particularly sneaky, buy like three of those books and then sell them to other people in your class for 10 bucks. Feel bad for like 2 seconds and then get free starbucks and toast yourself for beating the system in your own small way. Conniving people win.
If you are counting pennies to survive (who isn't?), start asking for amazon gift cards for birthday/Christmas instead of letting your aunt pick something and ending up with an ill-fitting pair of gloves again. If you get two or three of these cards per gift-giving occasion, you might be able to cut your textbook costs in half. Or you could buy a giant poster that says "Keep Calm and Tardis On" on it. Your choice.
Otherwise, the best thing to do is get your books from people on campus who bought them used, took care of them, and want to break even. You don't have to deal with shipping that way and you can look at the book before you buy it (and possibly smell it to make sure that that brown stain actually is soda). When this isn't possible, amazon is the best place to go. If your textbook comes with a CD, you really do have to buy it new because the used ones almost never have working CDs with them and then you are screwed. Buy them all together so that you can save on shipping.
If you have never ordered things from Amazon before, you want to look for the best condition at the lowest price with the highest customer satisfaction rating. Do your best to only compromise on one of these things. "Like New", "Excellent", "Very Good", and "Good" are the only condition ratings that you should accept; never buy from anyone whose rating is less than 90%. Keep an eye on the shipping charges because sometimes it is cheaper to get things new with free shipping than to buy them used plus four bucks for postage.
If the difference between used and new is less than ten dollars, just buy it new. You'll be able to get more when you sell it back and you won't have to worry about your book randomly being defective (I had one that had one of those plastic spirals for a spine and some loony had taken the spiral out, rearranged the pages, and put it back together - please people, don't be sadists for crying out loud!)
Sometimes books seem way more expensive than they should be on amazon. When this happens, go look at textbook trading sites to see if the price is in the right ballpark.
Very occasionally, amazon will make your day by randomly having books for less than a dollar in excellent condition. If you are feeling particularly sneaky, buy like three of those books and then sell them to other people in your class for 10 bucks. Feel bad for like 2 seconds and then get free starbucks and toast yourself for beating the system in your own small way. Conniving people win.
If you are counting pennies to survive (who isn't?), start asking for amazon gift cards for birthday/Christmas instead of letting your aunt pick something and ending up with an ill-fitting pair of gloves again. If you get two or three of these cards per gift-giving occasion, you might be able to cut your textbook costs in half. Or you could buy a giant poster that says "Keep Calm and Tardis On" on it. Your choice.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Tour
Hello New Year! In honor of the long-awaited arrival of a post-apocoliptic 2013, allow me to show you the amazing features of my blog (just to review).
Flash photography is not permitted, please stay inside the suspiciously urine-colored lines.
To your right is the menu bar. It has many features that may be useful to you, including: an archive of all my posts ever; a list of posts that other people seem to have read and re-read to the point of embarrassment; an option to learn about yours truly; a fun little tangent fact that almost never changes; and a google+ button that no one has ever pushed (if you are particularly daring, use this button to recommend me to your friends).
In the center of the page is the post box (heh heh) where the posts live. Each post has a title, a date, some content, and an option to comment at the bottom. If you feel so inclined, I appreciate your feedback in the comment bar - you do not have to have a blogger account to comment and your comment will appear immediately. This means that if you are feeling particularly scathing, you can publish rude things there that I will not notice for several days and may never be removed. How fun! You can also employ various types of social media to talk about individual posts using the icon buttons underneath the time stamp.
You may also notice that there are books behind you. Aren't they stacked so neatly-and-yet-haphazardly against their nice blue background? That is true art, folks. And how appropriate that I should choose books to decorate my college blog. I am so clever.
This concludes our tour. Please deposit your 3D glasses in the bin on the way out so that we can pretend to wash them before we hand them out to the next group of sweaty tourists who come in. We hope you have enjoyed your stay here and will come again soon! As always, A Peaker's Survival Guide remains free of charge and immune to any sort of advertisement of any kind. This post was written on my new iPad Mini, which is such an ease to operate and is not at all similar to a very expensive game boy!
Bye-bye!
Flash photography is not permitted, please stay inside the suspiciously urine-colored lines.
To your right is the menu bar. It has many features that may be useful to you, including: an archive of all my posts ever; a list of posts that other people seem to have read and re-read to the point of embarrassment; an option to learn about yours truly; a fun little tangent fact that almost never changes; and a google+ button that no one has ever pushed (if you are particularly daring, use this button to recommend me to your friends).
In the center of the page is the post box (heh heh) where the posts live. Each post has a title, a date, some content, and an option to comment at the bottom. If you feel so inclined, I appreciate your feedback in the comment bar - you do not have to have a blogger account to comment and your comment will appear immediately. This means that if you are feeling particularly scathing, you can publish rude things there that I will not notice for several days and may never be removed. How fun! You can also employ various types of social media to talk about individual posts using the icon buttons underneath the time stamp.
You may also notice that there are books behind you. Aren't they stacked so neatly-and-yet-haphazardly against their nice blue background? That is true art, folks. And how appropriate that I should choose books to decorate my college blog. I am so clever.
This concludes our tour. Please deposit your 3D glasses in the bin on the way out so that we can pretend to wash them before we hand them out to the next group of sweaty tourists who come in. We hope you have enjoyed your stay here and will come again soon! As always, A Peaker's Survival Guide remains free of charge and immune to any sort of advertisement of any kind. This post was written on my new iPad Mini, which is such an ease to operate and is not at all similar to a very expensive game boy!
Bye-bye!
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