Oh New Year's resolutions, I hate you. You make everyone suddenly decide to go to the gym instead of building snowmen for exercise. Suddenly, once you hit everyone, my roommate stops accepting that you can burn calories by grape-vine racing to the cafeteria and starts insisting that we actually go to the gym to work out. Like adults. Scoff. I am the Peter Pan of college students - I refuse to grow up because it is much more fun to have a contest to see who can eat the most carrot sticks in 49.63 seconds than to portion them out because we are suddenly trying to be healthy. No, New Year's resolutions, I do not like you. You are never fun. Why can't you ever be something awesome like "I resolve to start a band and learn one new song a week which I will then loudly play in the library just to see what happens"? Come on, that would be awesome! But no, everyone has to use you to lose weight or become better people and krap like that. Who would ever want to become a better person when you could stop being a person all together and just be a Hoopoe instead? So, New Year's resolutions, I refuse to make you. Ha! Suck on that! I will spend this year continuing to be exactly who I am without any delusional ideas that I might somehow improve my standing in life by making some kind of primitive agreement with myself that I know I will never keep. Sheesh, New Year's resolutions, don't you know your whole system is flawed?
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