When Parents Come

When your parents come to visit, make sure you do the following:
- Stock up on food and other things
- Force them to eat a meal in the cafeteria so that they will be more amenable to buying you other food
- Go out to eat as much as possible
- Clean your dorm room BEFORE they get there
- Tell your roommate to shower
- Bring your roommate with you when you go out because she/he is just as sick of cafeteria food as you are
- Pick them up from the airport so that they know you love them

It might also be a good idea to, you know, talk to them and stuff but it isn't strictly necessary.  Try to seem well-adjusted and self-sufficient to the point that they don't have to worry about you, but not to the point that they stop sending you care-packages.

Give all of your inappropriate friends some ketamine so that they won't drop in unexpectedly and ask if they can borrow your weed/cigarettes/tap-shoes while your parents are there.  Along that line, hide all of those things and surreptitiously leave some impressive-looking papers and textbooks laying around.  If you can, check an upper-division chemistry book out of the library and take a page of really complicated notes on it using all of the long obscure words that you can and leave that on your desk - see what your parents make of that when you tell them your classes are easy.