No matter how interesting any given class may be, it is still possible to sleep through it. Heck, if you were up until 1 the previous night because there was a full-contact brownie-making party in the dorm kitchen, it is possible to sleep through anything. You don't want to alienate your teachers or miss out on content, though, so you need some way to stay awake in class that doesn't involve Adderall.
This is where the fourth grade comes in handy. Remember how your would get a sucker if you were good in class? And then you could sit there eating it and everyone would be jealous? And that was where your narcissism complex was born? Yeah that's the part of fourth grade that is useful (never mind that whole long-division debacle).
Suckers. Lollipops (if you want to be "politically" correct). They are yummy. They are brightly colored. They are full of all kinds of sugary goodness. They are a staple of the college classroom.
Ok, so when I say that suckers are a staple, do not be confused. No one really eats suckers in class. BUT THEY SHOULD.
It is impossible to fall asleep whilst consuming a sucker. That is a scientific fact. I tried it and it cannot be done. I suggest that you buy a big bag of suckers (they are cheap at Target and Walmart) and keep one or two in your pencil case at all times. Make sure you get the full-sized kind because dum-dums are too small. If you start to feel tired in class, just pull out a sucker and put it on your desk. Wait as long as you possibly can before you eat it. It will sit there and call out to you and keep you awake long enough for the end of class to be in sight. Once you can't stand it anymore and your saliva glands are so active that the person next to you moved down two seats so her notebook wouldn't get wet, open your sucker. You may now eat it SLOWLY - no biting allowed. Make it last and do your best to focus on your work.
If your professor challenges you for eating in class, just calmly inform him/her that suckers are Dr. recommended* and that your professor should be flattered that you are making such an effort to remain conscious in his/her class. If all else fails, offer him/her your extra sucker.
Just in case you were wondering, yes, I am a revolutionary. Tell your friends. Comment below.
*This astrix is implied when you speak so it isn't really a lie, it simply alludes to the fact that "Dr." here is not short for "doctor" it is short for "dork" as in "the dork who writes this blog I read"
My fourth grade complex is seriously egotistical hahaha!
ReplyDelete